oh wow....

[~Kim~]

I've been thinking about it for ages, putting off meeting with the boss, but today I had no where to go, so I did it.
I resigned.
I left part of my identity, a huge part, at that police station today.
I have an idea of how we'll go on one wage and it will be tight, but I'm absolutely terrified I've done the wrong thing by my family.

For those who don't know me I've been a copper for a long time. I'm a good hard working cop, who polices with her heart. I was dux of my class of over 800. I'm supposed to sit my sergeant's exams in Jan, ones that I know I would pass.
But I just don't want my gun back.
I don't want to have to sort out other people's crap anymore, I don't want to know what they can do to each other. I'm tired of working ridiculous hours, never really knowing if I'll get to pick up my babies on time at the end of a shift. I'm tired of making up a profession to avoid stupid/whinging/complaining comments when I meet new people.
I just can't do it.

I always tell my new police that it isn't a job you do for glory (cos there isn't any) or money (cos there ain't much of that either), you have to do it because you love it. I do love my job, I educate and train, I got lumped with another job a few years ago of making sure briefs of evidence were up to scratch for court - no big deal, I enjoy that too, but now they want me to do both (fulltime) jobs AND work the truck/supervise in my two days that I would be working.
I can't do that.
I will have a nervous breakdown.
I know I can't. DH knows I can't.

SO why the heck am I so terrified that by looking after my own mental health, I'm stuffing up for my family???

I have more skills than many. I'm a registered nurse with varied experience, I'm a trainer and I have done retail, so plenty of options I guess.....

Maybe cos today it's concrete.....

[feeb]

Well done on making a decision that is right for you and your family. You are well qualified and well easily be able to find a job that suits you all.

Join a nursing agency and get some good money with flexible hours.

Good luck with your new start

[nic]

Oh Kim, I would imagine that would have been a huge step for you to take
By looking after yourself mentally and emotionally, you will have so much more for your family. No way are you stuffing up for them

[~Kaz~]

What a big decision you've made. It's very brave to leave the devil you know (even if you don't really want it anymore) to step outside your comfort zone and try something new. From what you wrote, you've done exactly the right thing by your family and yourself. Is it more the massive change that's scaring the pants off you? Take your time in getting used to the new you (who is no longer a copper). I bet you look back in 6 months time with absolutely no regrets!

[thepixie]

Good on you Kim for biting the bullet. It's hard to give up a job that you have loved, that has meant a lot to you, that has been part of who you are. But it sounds like you have lots of skills and when you're ready something that works better for you and your family will come along. It takes courage to let go of the past, but I am sure that you will find a better solution than what was being offered to you there.

[Epacris]

Oh Kim, such a tough (but easy at the same time) decision. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel.

Seding you hugs and a couple of extra ones for your littlies

[Jakabella]

Wow Kim! Thats huge! Congrats for doning it!! Dont think about it as a door closing but many mony more opening! and all the timr to spend with your familiy - the most IMPORTANT job that you have!!

Kate

[~Kim~]

To each and every onw of you THANKYOU. You all have written exactly what I needed.
Feeb - you are so right, flexible hours is what I need
Nic, I feel like so much of my worry about the cops is wasted and could be spent on my family so you're right, it's a good thing.
Pix I am going to find a better solution! Too Right!
Kaz, funny thing is I've actually been off since January, so I made the change a long time ago - I thinks it's the safety net that will be gone that's scary (I'm still getting paid...)
Thanks Epacris, hugs I have been needing plenty of today
Kate hun, that is exactly why I want to do it.
I can't have any more babies and I don't want to miss any more....

Thankyou thankyou thankyou all agin

[Trillian]

Kim, I guess because you hadn't made it final till now, it was kinda like a door that you left open a bit, every now and then you could peak in and have a look and know that it was OK, you could go back through it if you wanted to, but to make the decision to close the door tightly behind you is a big move But just think about where you live and the skills you already have - there ae so many options for you there. In time you could look at maybe going into the private sector for nursing when they get that up and running and it's such a proactive place in terms of encouraging employment growth and you already have the skill set to work in retail or even in training. I'm sure that one day when you're ready you will find another job you love just as much.

[MrsFabuloso]

Oh hun, I haven't read the whole thread, but you're starting a new phase of you life. It's scary to do things you haven't done before. If you find that it's not suited to you you can alway go back to what you know and maybe just take a lesser role. But you have been doing it, as you said you just had to take the final leap of faith, so it's not like you're jumping into the complete unknown. You're starting a new chapter, try to embrace it!!

[~Kim~]

Trill, yep I think that's a huge part of it. It's final. Even though I can technically go back, it's not as easy as say going back to a shop and that's a big thing.

Kel, bring on this new chapter I say Now transfers are a whole lot easier too. Bit daunting though with the commander sitting on my couch in my house.

Hmmm a sleep seems to clear everything.

[MrsFabuloso]

Kel, bring on this new chapter I say Now transfers are a whole lot easier too. Bit daunting though with the commander sitting on my couch in my house.

Exactly, now you can both go where ever your hearts desire! And where the positions are, lol! And as for the commander, well, he's not your boss (at work) anymore so it doesn't matter. YOU'RE the boss of your house now!

[widdly]

Kim you have most definately done the right thing for your family and yourself. No doubt it is scarey to be leaving such a HUGE part of your life behind, Im sure it will fel strange for a while.

Like you said you dont want to miss out on you kids while they are little as you wont get this chance again. I am SAHM for that same reason, my only child is growing up fast and I dont want to regret missing this short time with him at home.

You will get used to living on the one wage in time, you family are very lucky to have such a dedicated wife and mother.

Enjoy every moment of your new life xxx