I know it's early to be thinking about all this, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. My original plan was to return to work in January 2013. But the more I think about it the more I realise that I don't want to go back. I don't feel the same about my career as I did before becoming a mum. Part of me feels guilty for not making use of my degree. I studied for 7 years, with DH supporting me for the final 2 as we decided not to wait for me to finish before getting married. I love(d) my job and my field, but it doesn't seem as important anymore. As for challenges, there are plenty of challenges in raising little people to keep my mind occupied. I guess I'm just wondering how other people feel about this. Has anyone else put aside their higher education to be a SAHP?
Then there's my mental health. I did not cope at all well with work after DD1. It took a good 8-9 months before I felt able to be productive (and by then I was pregnant with DD2).
On a more practical note, there seems to be little benefit to working financially. Especially since half my income went on childcare for DD1 anyway, so with 2 in care there would be very little, if anything, left over. I have the option of working at home but my job can't really be done while caring for children at the same time.
But am I obligated to return to work after taking mat leave? I'm employed on a fixed term contract which is renewed annually. Even though I was on mat leave with DD2 when my previous contract expired in March I was offered and accepted a new one. This is despite the EBA stating all mat leave entitlements cease once a contract expires. I could extend my mat leave to March 2013 and then not renew my contract. That doesn't feel quite right though.
I have the same thoughts as you. I used to really love my job but now I have kids my priorities about what I want to do have completely changed. What I used to find really made my day - getting that really great result for a client, or pulling off the seemingly impossible deal - has just got nothing compared to my almost 4 year old bringing me the picture of her and me she's just drawn, with the "I 'heart' Mummy" she's written on it.
I returned to work two days a week for a very short period of time 18 months or so ago - back with my old employers in the environment I used to love. It was great to have the mental challenge again and put the skills I developed over years and years to good use, but I missed my girls desperately. I hated that I didn't see them before I left for work in the morning, and they were in bed or close to it by the time I got home , and hated that my mum or DH would tell ME what my kids had done that day. I also personally feel that daycare is not an option for me, and while my parents were very happy to look after the girls for for those two days, I felt guilty about the extra pressure on them.
I guess I want the best of both worlds. I want to be home now when my kids aren't in school full time, but then when they are I would like the perfect job that challenges me intellectually, but allows me complete flexibiity to work around my kids' school hours.
Good luck with whatever you decide. NOt sure there is a right or wrong answer, for any one person or even for that one person on any given day.
I totally understand how you feel but, hypothetically speaking, what if you stay at home now, how would you feel once your children are at school/are older??
Is yours the type of kob you can just go back into with an extended break? Would you be happy to have just any job (ie. One not pertaining to your qualifications) when your kids no longer "need" you as much.
Saying goodbye to your career now might mean saying goodbye to it forever. You might think that's fine for now but will you always be okay with it?
I totally understand about feeling differently towards your career. At the moment I am up in arms about what I want to do. Part of me wants to return to work I once knew and loved, the other part wants to find work elsewhere and try something new.
We did the sums for me to return to work this year, $1100 a week for childcare costs for the girls. So me returning to work for now is a total joke really. I couldnt get a job anywhere to cover those sorts of costs and then make a profit.
I cant answer your questions really, but I do want to follow this, because I know at some stage I will return to work, and I need to start planning for the long term.
It's so hard isn't it? I have a higher degree as well and I used to enjoy what I do but since having my kids it definitely doesn't seem as fulfilling anymore. Since having my kids they have obviously been my number one priority but at the same time I don't want to lose touch with my career. Yes I want it all lol!
Lucky for me I am able to work casually from home with only the occasional trip to the office for a meeting. For me I feel its really important to keep my foot in the door so to speak as my kids won't be little forever and there will be a time when I will want to spend more time in the workforce. I know this doesn't work for everyone's job and I know that I am very lucky to be able to do this but if something like this is at all an option for you then its something to consider.
So to answer your question, yes I have partly put aside a higher degree to be a SAHM. If I was still in the workforce full time I'd imagine I'd be in a much higher position than where I am now and on higher $$ but I wouldn't change being with my kids for anything. And lucky for me I can stay 'in the loop' so to speak by working a little from home and not having to put my kids into daycare. Not sure when I'll be working full time again? I always thought I would go back full time when both my kids are in school but now I'm not so sure I want them to be in after school every day. Ideally I'd go back 3 days but we'll see!
I can really relate to the feelings you are talking about - especially when you have such very young children/babies as they are so reliant on you. Things do change so very rapidly as everyone grows up.
I have struggled with this and ultimately decided that I should stay working. This was a result of having to make a drastic change in our living standards if I chose to opt out. One one hand if I gave up my position I would not get it back - one the otherhand luckily my employer has to let me work part time so I haven't had to decide about full time care.
My experience was that going back after DD2 was much easier a transition than previously as well, partly because I knew what to expect and also was more organised about our routine and had more realistic expectations of myself and what I could acheive. I was also greatful for the adult company and mental stimulation as well by the time my mat leave was up.
I am now almost 3 years away from that choice but I have been recently surprised by seeing how many of my friends/contemporaries are now looking for work - particularly the mums of DD1's prep buddies. Many of them are struggling to get interviews in their chosen fields at a reasonable level let alone get jobs. This has made me grateful that I kept at it (despite feeling like I was struggling or at times even failing with all tasks at hand) and I am surprised by how this situation has affected many others.
My other point is quite blunt - both DH and I have experiences of parents either passing away unexpectedly or never working again after illness. Me working takes the pressure off DH and quite simply means that should the need arise I have the ability to provide for my kids. I already feel the pressures on my sick leave etc that having kids has had but at least I have those entitlements to call on.
Good luck with your decision making - try to plan for 2, 5, 7 years down the track and see how you can try to acheive all you want to. If you can buy more time to consider your options I would tend towards that as well. You may be surprised where you end up!!! xxx
Thoughts about returning to work
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks