I was like wow your feeling what im feeling i think . The other day i said to hubbie and its not the first time ive said this either. I am scared about the pap test results But even if they come back good im just scared that there will come a point where i am told i cant have any more kids. Ive been told this in past and proven them wrong. But even if its a blinking hard and aweful pregnancy i hate the idea the choice can just be taken from you. Same as being a c section verses natural.
If i was told i had cancer i would probably delay treatment and get pregnant. Its the fear that it is over i hate that i hate, and being controlled and restricted by that. And maybe thats why i always feel like i need more kids as i know my time is coming to that end. I don't know how i would cope having to have everything removed or not being able to conceive. When i was 21 i was told that i needed to have the lot removed as its only going to continue to cause problems down there its like a 50 year old woman My surgeon explained. So for the past 7 years i have constantly worried and shed a river of tears over this and lost mountains of sleep. I obviously said no to removing it. I then have gone to have two more children taking it to 4 kids. But i feel like im not even half way there yet and i have no time left. Its all being stripped from me. I hate being controlled by this.There was a lady on tv the other day with 13 kids and i looked at her and i thought how lucky you are to be blessed to have that, thats what ive always wanted. Family means everything to me Its who i am its my all Its strangely what validates me. I have always envision loads of children and in my old age at least one would come and visit and look after me.
You also mentioned about your body doesn't and wont belong to you again i don't know how to make you feel any better on this but thats exactly how i also fee. That one time now rules all the other times of delivery. But they do say tho if you have only had 1 c section you can go on to deliver normally again. NOT in my case tho ive had 3 of them.
My tummy feels detached almost from me it doesn't feel like it's part of me if that makes any sence its sorta numb like.
So much wanted to say once again but josh is restless and the 3 year old has to clean up his mess.
Hi to every one sorry i left ya all out hi pixie, CM4E, kel, leasha, vic, KIWIGIRL (one word), MM, Bear and every one ive missed sorry.
BTW josh slept from 10pm to 5 .15 am
Melsta.. Welcome to the groupi hope our winges and daily stuff doesn't bore you to much.
feel free just to jump in.
BTW ladies and bear i am expecting this week and next to be very emotional taxing not sure how ill respond to it. when my other son was 8 weeks old some thing horrific happened my life stoped, it changed in every aspect even i changed. everyone changed around me. I am no longer the same person i once was. I am still getting past this and i have always dreaded the 8 weeks mile stone but i am hopping i will cope just fine so if i seem off a bit you all know why. So just bare with me !!
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