sj - i agree, it's a bit hard w a strict routine. i thot i had a routine, but im similar to you girls, demand feeding, and have play but depends if he's happy or not. during the day, he sleeps at his own pace. i dont put him to sleep at specific times, only whenever he's tired. i guess thats my 'routine'.
the contented baby book, according to one of the girls in our exercise class, gets you to feed etc. at specific times. i.e you must feed/sleep at 3pm, 6pm, 9pm etc. she said a friend of hers did that and always had a hard time going out etc.