Gigi - I just read your birth de-brief... and my heart feels the pain you are in hun. Nothing anyone says will take away the pain, doing what you are doing, by talking about it will hopefully aliveate some of your anxiety. I hope that you are able to get some relief from the horrible way you are feeling right now. I truly believe that when the day comes that you tell tiny bilby about how she arrived she will look at you in amazement and wonder and respect. Try to live each day one at a time, and look at the amazing mircle that you had a hand in creating, and reach over a pat yourself on the back, your doing an amazing job - the hardest one in the world. Hugs.