Babies Born November 2006 #32

**Olive** · January 14th, 2008, 06:59 PM

you know what tara i feel exactly the same as you, feel the same about men too.......

**visitor1** · January 14th, 2008, 07:21 PM

Thanks Vicky...Chelsea did however eat tea...garlic chicken kievs...dunno if kids can ave garlic but she eats it like its gold!!

Tara...hugs babe... i was the same as you in regards to the gender...but the other way round....to this day i still feel robbed i had another girl....but id not change Jasmine for the world. But i cried and had no idea how i was *stuck* with another girl. Im still trying to bond with her. i love her to bits and the idea she is a girl has grown on me. Ive spoken to Blanche about when she found out her lil tike was a boy and how i reacted (BTW Blanche...u didnt change ur siggy cos of wat i said did u?? Oh i hope not). its hard to accept a gender (well for me it was ans still is) but as long as bub is healthy you will find excitement. We are all here for you. Disappointment is common according to my mental chick...but we cant decide what we have...we just have preferances and we cant change that once life has been formed and delivered. I know ive probably made no sense or have been of any help...but one thing i know is...how u feel.

Are you finding out the sex?

**tiggerandpooh** · January 14th, 2008, 08:05 PM

oh tara... i so know what you are feeling hun. DH is the first man I have felt "safe" with. As I have mentioned before, I was sexually abused as a child, and it has created massive issues for me, that I have had to work through. When I had Nathan I had NO idea what to do with this little person. It horrified me. It took me 18 months to bond with him, I loved him, but I just didn't understand him, and the fact that he was male...ughhh. He had all these bits that I didn't even like looking at let alone cleaning. When he was about 18months old, I finally reconciled myself to stop trying to figure out what was the mystery of malehood, and starting enjoying him. It was him that taught me how to play with abandonment, to "pretend" for hours on end as we role played different characters, from batman and robin, to bob and wendy. He was, and still is to a certain degree, so in NEED of me, and that was hard to adapt to. After having Laura, who was this independant little soul from the get go, to having this highly needy baby who lost the plot if he couldn't see me, and if he could have gotten inside my skin he would have! The biggest thing I have learnt from Nathan is that not all males are horrible, and that I have this amazing opportunity to help him be an insightful, caring, empathetic, sensitive man - someone who will treat women with respect, love and value them. The woman that lands him will be a lucky lady indeed. Nathan paved the way for me to embrace Aston's maleness right from the start. When I found out what I was having when I was pregnant with Aston, I was disappointed initially. But I can honestly say that I wouldn't have it any other way. Laura has enough estoregen running through her viens to keep me in girly moments for the rest of my life. As hard as it may be to understand, I really do believe that we are never given more then we can deal with, and are given situations that we need to learn lessons from... What will be will be hun. :hugs:

**taralee** · January 14th, 2008, 08:08 PM

Thanks Vicky, i was never abused but definately have dad issues that mainly stem from anger, and me really feeling like i had to look out for myself and never ever depend on a man. so much so that now if ben and i have a fight i will just shut off and tell myself that i dont need him. years of therapy couldnt teach me what i learnt for myself...anyways. what you wrote made total sense to me, thanks
Thanks Kim, yeah i want to find out so that i can "prepare" myself (for want of a better word).
This is going to sound so so so terrible guys, so please dont judge, but when i realised that i could have a boy i thought to myself 'great i didnt even want to get pg and now i have to worry about that?!'
i feel so terrible about it and i know i cant really help what i feel...but i feel like if we had waited and tried to plan the next pg i couldve maybe timed having a girl...anyways, i guess i wont really know for a while anyway...is there any way they can tell at the 12 week scan?

**christy** · January 14th, 2008, 08:11 PM

No thanks Vicky :P Jovie is so funny, soooo unlike Matilda. She stops & turns to see where I am, than if I'm not looking at her she runs back to me and yells to get my attention & then runs away again giggling. No interest in getting too far away.

**tiggerandpooh** · January 14th, 2008, 08:21 PM

tara no judgement here hun... i think I have said before, only one of my children was "planned" and that was Nathan... as hard as it seems right now, you will get through it. and you will have all of us to champion you on the journey.

Christy - as long as your sure, and the minute that changes please let me know. It has been a life saver for me. Aston doesn't look around at all...just keeps going. Where he think he is going I have no idea but with the monkey on, its only as far as the tail! lol

**taralee** · January 14th, 2008, 08:34 PM

thanks guys

**taralee** · January 14th, 2008, 08:36 PM

totally off the topic, but has anyone noticed baby's gums bleeding where the tooth is coming through? that molar of evies went back down under the gum yesterday and then today when we were in the pool i noticed blood coming out of her mouth and when i looked in it was where the molar was coming back through. just a little dot of it

***EmJa*** · January 14th, 2008, 10:08 PM

:hugs: Tara...im pretty sure 12wks is to early to see the sex, thats wat ive been told anyways

Kim - nah i didnt change my siggy cos of wat u told me, silly thing kept coming up no more than 500 characters blah blah but it was all the same as i had it before i had just changed the pic! so i hate to shorten things and unbold the writing to get it to fit!

i really want/need to get one of those harness things for Emelia she is terrible she will just keep running!! DP wont let me get one he thinks they are cruel but he doesnt have to chase her all the way down the foreshore!!!

is it time for a new thread ? we are a chatty bunch!!

**Gigi** · January 14th, 2008, 10:50 PM

Taralee - i'm glad you felt comfy enough in this thread to "let it all out" what you're feeling.
You know just like we all do, how much you are judged the minute you become pregnant.
But you also know, we are here for each other, and we're not about to judge you hon.

i have had problems bonding with my bilby and initially when i found out she was a she (amniocentesis results told me XX), i felt disappointed - mainly cos i kept thinking, "I won't be able to keep her safe, girls are so vulnerable in this society" and i haven't been able to dress her in pink, can't stop thinking, how can i protect her (from being a girl).

I really wanted to have a boy, so i wouldn't have to worry about my child so much - child abuse is on my mind alot, the statistics are so scarey, i studied and started work in that field and well, a little knowledge can be dangerous i guess, cos know i'm scared to death for any little child i meet.

i think the healthiest thing you can do, for your own peace of mind, is what you've started to do already, talk about it. DOn't let it fester hon. If no-one in real life will listen, talk to us, no-one here is going to put you down for feeling the way you do.

i think there's the things mums say in public and the things mums REALLY think. Often what we think and need to say, is not socially acceptable. We're not perfect, having a baby doesn't turn you into a saint!!! So hon, you can let it all hang out and be real with us.

Trust issues is a big thing with me too. Seven years with dh and i STILL physically jump when he comes in a room i'm in. I STILL can't let him touch my neck. Physical scars from childhood heal, emotional ones take longer. Makes me damm sure my bilby is not going to be put thru what i was put thru. Would rather be a single parent than put her thru that - rationally i don't have to worry, cos dh is a gentle soul, he's never yelled at me in seven years, not the type, but i still have this fear that i can't shake, cos i find it hard to trust anyone.

We now have a safety gate and things to lock the drawers and one thing to keep two cupboard door handles closed. Off to buy more of the ones that work the best.

we were up til 5am with bilby last night. Poor dh, gets up for work at 6.30am!

**christy** · January 15th, 2008, 06:16 AM

Sorry I missed heaps of posts last night... maybe it was the glass of red.

Tara - I can sort of understand, except I went the other way entirely. I was desperate for a boy, both times I was seriously disappointed by the whole thing... with Matilda it took ages to bond because I was so desperate for a boy. My stems from my dad as well as abuse. I wanted to right the wrong, ykwim? I wanted to teach my boys how to treat a woman properly & I didn't want my girls to go through what I went through abuse-wise.

Gigi, with Matilda I went through so many locks etc... she broke heaps of them & now can get them off

but they are good for Jovie.

Pregnancy with a toddler... sheer hell. LOL I should say with an active toddler. Matilda was 18 months when I got pregnant & she was running. She was able to get out of the straps in the pram & would just take off. It was hell when I was 9 months pregnant.... and 5 weeks LOL

Sleep issues in this house, they are taking turns again. Jovie slept through actually, until 5am and Matilda got up 3 times.