Taralee - i'm glad you felt comfy enough in this thread to "let it all out" what you're feeling.
You know just like we all do, how much you are judged the minute you become pregnant.
But you also know, we are here for each other, and we're not about to judge you hon.

i have had problems bonding with my bilby and initially when i found out she was a she (amniocentesis results told me XX), i felt disappointed - mainly cos i kept thinking, "I won't be able to keep her safe, girls are so vulnerable in this society" and i haven't been able to dress her in pink, can't stop thinking, how can i protect her (from being a girl).

I really wanted to have a boy, so i wouldn't have to worry about my child so much - child abuse is on my mind alot, the statistics are so scarey, i studied and started work in that field and well, a little knowledge can be dangerous i guess, cos know i'm scared to death for any little child i meet.

i think the healthiest thing you can do, for your own peace of mind, is what you've started to do already, talk about it. DOn't let it fester hon. If no-one in real life will listen, talk to us, no-one here is going to put you down for feeling the way you do.

i think there's the things mums say in public and the things mums REALLY think. Often what we think and need to say, is not socially acceptable. We're not perfect, having a baby doesn't turn you into a saint!!! So hon, you can let it all hang out and be real with us.

Trust issues is a big thing with me too. Seven years with dh and i STILL physically jump when he comes in a room i'm in. I STILL can't let him touch my neck. Physical scars from childhood heal, emotional ones take longer. Makes me damm sure my bilby is not going to be put thru what i was put thru. Would rather be a single parent than put her thru that - rationally i don't have to worry, cos dh is a gentle soul, he's never yelled at me in seven years, not the type, but i still have this fear that i can't shake, cos i find it hard to trust anyone.


We now have a safety gate and things to lock the drawers and one thing to keep two cupboard door handles closed. Off to buy more of the ones that work the best.

we were up til 5am with bilby last night. Poor dh, gets up for work at 6.30am!