MM & Katie, thanks

Ive eaten two blocks of chocolate in 24hours, I'm ready to cry & go 4 a long walk. But I can't cause if he boys need something then no one wld be here,
I know the boys are going thro a rough time with this, I just didn't think they would play on it & be totally uncontrolable, & I don't let them get away with things just cos they have a rash & blisters (Alex not eating certain foods is one thing as he has the blisters in his mouth).
Jack is in his cot screaming his head off cos he just doesn't want to go down, he's had 350ml of formula already & panadol.
Alex is having his first nite in a single bed & I've have had trouble getting him to lay down.
You know when a kid screams for no good reason, I can't deal with that. If they cry for a reason I'm okay with that, I can deal with it.
Right now I feel so wound up all I want to do is break down & cry, but I can't do that cos then I'm not functionable, so then I become more high strung.
I;m worried I'm going to ruin the boys lives, but I'm selfish & won't give them up cos they are my life & when things are good, we are all settled. But right now, I'm thinking I shld give them up.

I'm sorry, I just don't know where else to turn atm