Well, often if you don't ask, they get engaged in whatever it is they are doing and 9 times out of 10 they will wet themselves. Especially in the early days when they are still getting used to learning the signs that they need to go. Even now, there are times when I know A needs to go because he will hold his pecker and do a little dance LOL, so I ask him 'do you need to go to the toilet' he will nearly always reply with 'no', especially if he is playing etc, but I know he really does need to go so I ask him 'are you sure you don't need to go?" and that makes him stop and think about it and he will always end up saying 'yes'. Asking them isn't going to damage them emotionally in any way at all, sometimes you need to ask. and it teaches them to be aware of the signs they need to go quicker than if you didn't ask and just left them to it because asking them makes them stop and really think about what their body is telling them. When we go out, I've always said to them when they were learning 'we will just go to the toilet before we go into the shops' and I go and then put them on the loo too and never had a problem, except with L who for some reason had a total phobia of using toilets anywhere except in our house and at the IL's, so it took a lot of work to get him to use a public loo. Sometimes they can do a wee, other times they can't.