I had a 4th degree tear and took a long time to recover. My main advice is rest rest rest! Sure get up and move around but give your body time to heal. I had problems with undiagnosed infections which prolonged the tear recovery. It also sounds like you could use more softeners for your stools. Metamucil and Normacot were what I used with coloxyl. Life will be much more pleasant for you if you don't need to worry about constipation. It took me about 4 months to DTD and found it was actually ok. My Ob wanted me to in case I needed a little bit of reconstruction. Things had changed for sure but not for the worse, it was kind of interesting to have different angles etc and getting to know the new me down there lol.
I also had trouble with controlling wind but Pilates was a godsend and really improved everything so gently. I can't recommend it high enough. I started it about a year on but wish I'd done so earlier. It helped a heap for my next pg too.
Best of luck and please give yourself time to recover and call on any support you can to help you.