your posts have really been helpful and i am sitting here really wondering why i hold some views and beliefs, what are they based on and why i find it hard to understand my DH's perspective in some ways.
kelliemm if i am completely honest with myself, i was shocked and a little angry when i first found out my DH's beliefs on donation. for me it was so straight forward and obvious, that i couldn't believe someone with all the intelligence and compassion as my DH had such a "narrow" (i say narrow as that is what i thought at the time but not any more) view on this issue. he knew i was shocked that in a way i was judgmental of his views on the issue. but he didn't mind as it was something he hadn't discussed with anyone else before and wanted to understand my perspective too. so kelliemm i am coming around in my thinking about how someone shouldn't feel bad about not donating but it still isn't easy for me after years and years of holding such a strong belief myself. i am a big believer in people making informed and thought out decisions so i guess for me it will come down to accepting that people have made a different choice to me based on their own beliefs, experiences and wishes.
oie and bath, you have both given me some things to talk with my DH about. i recently read that depending on your cultural background you may believe that love lies in another organ other than your heart. my DH believes VERY strongly that love lies in his heart. i actually believe it lies in your brain (scientific side of me again!). bath, i think my DH believes that he will loose part of his soul to another human if it is donated. but i will ask him to explain more and use your example. and oie and rach you are right i do love that my DH and i have differences. we share very similar principles and values but approach them in different and just as valid ways. thanks for reminding me
SJ we have talked about this and he will respect and honour my wishes. He has no trouble with that as for him organ donation is a very personal thing for him. My DH is is not a judgmental person which is one of his finest qualities. my family also know my wishes on this.
however, i wish it were the same for me. i really struggle with the fact that i know what his wishes are but if i were faced with the same scenario, i just don't know if i could follow his wishes. i don't say this lightly and it is something we have spoken about at great length but never resolved. i sound and feel like a hypocrite. for me (and we have spoken about this), i am not just put in the position of following his wishes, i am also the keeper of a great opportunity to save another 1 or who knows how many people's lives, their quality of life, their children’s happiness at having a parent live etc etc etc. this is one of the reasons i also wanted to discuss this. if i were a religious person i suppose i would be able to seek some guidance from a trusted member etc.
pls don't bag me out for my view/conflict of mind above, it really is something i struggle with and my DH is fully aware of how i feel and can actually understand the difficulty i am facing as he knows how much i value life and giving to others. he says it is one of the reasons he fell in love with me….he is a pretty special person. i think this will be an issue of ongoing discussion between us as we don’t feel it is resolved as yet. DH says i have given him much to think about (no doubt in communication with god) and i am trying to understand his beliefs as best i can with his assistance.
i have asked my DH where his belief in the soul’s connection to organs come from. (this is so ‘scientific dusty’ coming out strong again as my first reasoning is it must be a ‘learnt’ belief). i don’t think it is completely learnt for DH though. he does have a strong sense of what is right for him and he has such a strong connection with god. some of it comes from his extensive reading on spiritual issues and great spiritual leaders from different faiths, some of it from conversations with other kindred spirits who understand my DH very well but a lot of it comes from within.
nic, you story is amazing and i thank you so much for sharing something that is so personal and obviously been with you for a long time. you have really given some 'real' perspective to this discussion which for me personally is still very cerebral although emotional. also amelia thanks for your story. i am glad you were able to have your dad around for those years.
nessa, sushee and tracey thanks for sharing your beliefs too.
dusty
ps rach, your post was fine. i probably would have said the same on a different topic and as you can tell this is something i struggle with
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