thread: When your beliefs are different to family/friends...

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  1. #1

    Dec 2005
    not with crazy people
    8,023

    My inlaw's are extrem catholics. JEd and I have choosen no religion at all and have decided that we would like our children to pick for them selves IFYKWIM.

    I get very hurt with my inlaws when they say of the cuff remarks..for example when Nikolaus was a baby Jed's mum was making this beautiful shawl for our nephews christening. Jed asked when nikolaus was going to get one and she replied with when he gets christened.

    I am no way pushy that we have no beliefs and support and praise them they have yet we get shot down sometimes with these small remarks that are quiet hurtfull. I have learnt to bite my tongue with many things as religious beliefs seem to be one of those issues that no one thinks they are wrong in.

    After telling them that the boys were going to the local catholics school they came back with - we didnt expect anything else. We didnt send the boys to that school because of the religion...it was because of the great learning structure and reputation it had. the religion was just a bonus

    Im sorry that your family isnt as supportive as they should be. I think that you should just stand firm with your beliefs and let them know that they hurt you with their silly snid remarks.

    Quiet obviously thought they feel uncomfortable about your belief so maybe even next time when they say their silly things you could laugh at them as say it doesnt hurt to be positive sometimes.

    Keep smiling babe.....

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Sep 2007
    Brisbane
    5,729

    Grr I just lost a huge big post about this

    Try 1 Cor 8 and Romans 14 for your backup scriptures . I will be back later to repost, I think I took to long typing it out .

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    6,900

    Mel- I hate the rolling of the eyes!! How rude!! I agree, why can't everyone just leave everyone alone to do their own thing!

    Maz- Thankyou for your advice! I don't know how to tell them they're being really rude because they do it in a way that is like they're joking but really being mean so if you say something they'll just make you feel stupid like it was just a joke don't be so serious. grr....I hate when ppl are so passive aggressive like that!! And the thing I don't get is that we're all the same religion!! rofl. It's just that maybe I take it more seriously than them?? Hmm...maybe I make them feel insecure. Not my problem!!

    Candice- Oh, don't you hate that!! Thankyou for those references, I'm going to go look them up now!

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Sep 2007
    Brisbane
    5,729

    Sara

    In my family I have buddhists and atheists mostly, and my mum who is a way out there pentecostal christian. I have the most trouble with her unfortunately. She believes that all health problems can be healed by faith and therefore using modern medicine is an indication of a lack of faith.

    My sister has a mental illness and suffers from depression and has suicidal tendancies at times. Last time she had an episode, I picked her up and drove her to mum's on the understanding that mum was taking her to hospital. When I left mum's house, mum decided to take her to church for a faith healing instead. It did not work and wow did it cause a fight between her and dad (dad is atheist).

    It causes so much trouble, and she is always berating me for not sharing more of my faith with her. Truthfully, I just don't trust her with something so intimate.

    Things will get interesting when mum and the rest of the family see's how we introduce religion / faith to our child. We are hoping to have a baby dedication (not a baby baptism because we do not believe in that) and I already know it is going to cause tension. We also only go to church about once a month, I find it is more important to actually live the christian life than to merely attend church. Yet another thing my mother disagrees with!

    I think you should stick to your guns and stand up for what you believe in. It is wrong of your family to try and trick you into eating bacon, or doing anything that is against your beliefs. Families should be there to supporty you on this walk, not derail you! Hang in there!

    There is so much more I could say but I will leave it at that for the moment...

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    6,900

    Candice- it's so hard hey!! Looks like you have some of the same problems! Either you're too religious, or not religious enough?? It's like you have to be just like them or it's not good enough!!

    I'm sorry to hear about your sister and also your problems with your mum It can be so frustrating.

    We are thinking of having a dedication too because that's what I believe I should too but I'm also wondering what's going to be said about that. My mum had it done for 2 of my siblings and a while ago another family member said something to me about 'when your mother went through that weird stage and didn't get the boys christened properly' So they're going to think I'm a weirdo too then.
    On a side note- what churches do dedications? Is it only Baptist? Or is that not even the one.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Sep 2007
    Brisbane
    5,729

    I go to a baptist church and we only do dedications. Baptisms are done once the person is old enough to make a concious choice for Christ. I am not sure about other denominations to be honest, but my sister (who isn't a believer) got her daughter baptised / christened in an Anglican church.

    There was a baby dedication on the fathers day service a few sundays ago. It was lovely, the parents were commiting themselves to raising up their child in the ways of the Lord, the rest of the family promised to help and support the parents to do that, and the church also promised to support the whole family. Overall I was impressed, it was lovely.

    You could explain it to the other families members like this: We are doing this in response to these scriptures

    Proverbs 22:6
    Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.


    and

    Ephesians 6:4
    Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.


    and later when they are older they may choose to be baptised. But explain that these are two seperate events.

    I hope this helps! We cannot please all people at all times, so just go with your conviction.

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Jan 2004
    Melbourne, Australia
    1,002

    SJ, it is very challenging isn't it! My DH was brought up muslim and I was brought up catholic. His family are not around so I don't haev to deal with them but my family are around and mum and dad are very catholic. He does not observe all muslim things but he does not eat pork products and does not want dd to either. He does not tell me what to eat but I don't have pork products in the house.
    My mum is absolutley lovely and would love to take dd to church but will not out of respect for DH's views. But she does not seem to care about feeding dd ham sandwiches and putting bacon in pumpkin soup and feeding taht to both DD and DH. It sort of makes me laugh now as it does not matter how many times I say it she just can't understand it.
    We did not have any ceremonies for DD as I jsut thougth it would cause too many issues. I feel like I should try to do more to teach her about our faiths so she can make an informed decision when she is older.