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Thread: 1st m/c .... can't cope with my kids..

  1. #1
    SoTyHal Guest

    Default 1st m/c .... can't cope with my kids..


    This site gave me great comfort in the days of bleeding leading to the confirmation of my m/c at 8 weeks. This is my first m/c, I have three beautiful sons (8,5,&3) Since I cam home from hospital yesterday I can't look at them, their faces make me cry, all that promise, he would look like them but i'll never see him, yet i will always see him in them... will this end, I just need to get it together to stop crying and be able to hold them.
    DH is finding it hard to cope, I have had bleeding in al my pregnancies, he assumed (hoped) this was like the rest but I knew it was not right. My Dr said don't be to upset you have 3 loverly kids, feel like i have less right to grieve because I do have kids..... maybe I'm just reading to much into things.
    All i want to do is TTC again, but even voicing that aloud makes me feel as though I'm being greedy.
    To everyone going through the same thing your voices have kept me going in the last few days.
    xx So

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    LA LA Land


    I am really sorry to read of your loss. Yes, you do have the right to grieve no matter how many children you already have. This was a much wanted and loved pregnancy. It was your baby . You had hopes and dreams for it's future. You need to grieve through this. It's a path that must be travelled.
    You will never forget but the days will get easier. I understand what you say with regards to your other children. They are a constant reminder but try to embrace that as it can make things easier. It is hard to attend to a young lively family so soon after a loss. Sometimes all you want to do is sit and be quiet, to think. It's impossible to do that when little people constantly need your attention. You are not alone in feeling like this.

    I hope this site will help to bring some comfort. The women here are wonderful and so many of us have shared a loss of some kind.

    A big hug to you,

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    the love boat


    You have all the right in the world hun. Dont let anyone tell you anything different. You have lost one of your children, and your grief is very real. You had hopes and dreams for this baby just like you had for your other children.
    Please be kind to yourself and give your children a big hug, they will be feeling your grief too and need comfort as well.
    We often have a "group hug" and in my mind, i always feel that somewhere in that hug, my angel babies are joining in.

    thinking of you

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    S/West Sydney


    I've had 3 m/c. i before my beautiful son and 2 after.. I found the second 2 were so much worse on my emotions due to the same thing seeing my son's face and wondering what could have been. the only way i sort comfort was one day i saw my sons face, the look of worry, sadness and confussion. Not understanding what had happened and worried why his mum was upset and crying. It broke my heart to see his small face filled with grief. Not sure if he could sense something changing in me or wether he just knew i needed im around but within a minute of me realising he was sad because i was i walked over and gave me the biggest hug and kiss... i burst into tears gave him a huge hug and he said "you ok mummy"

    For some reason things seemed to get better for me. This has happened twice in almost the exact same way except my son was a little older.

    Its never easy to loose a baby no matter how early on or how late in the pregnancy, i i can imagine it never gets easy as they get older. You have every right to grieve as long as you want and how you need to. i take comfort in the fact that my angels are in a better place and are in peace.

    Remember to talk about your feelings with family and support around you, as i found bottling up my feeling made it harder to cope. i still have days when a thought pops into my head about what they would look like or what they might be doing and i guess i always will... Big hugs and dont ever let anyone make you feel like you cant grieve or feel a particular way.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Out of my mind.... back in 10 mins.


    I know how you feel as I had bleeding with all my Pregnancy's and the last one ended in a miscarriage. I was absolutly devistated. Dr's wanted me to stay in hosp longer but I had to come home to my kids as in hosp they didn't want anything to do with me. I ended up back in hosp the next day and had to have a D&C. I was a mess and DH was trying to keep it together but I just couldn't. How dare the DR say "Don't be too up set you have 3 already!!!" you are greiving for the one you loved and lost, You have lost a baby for goodness sake. I don't care if you have 10 at home you wanted this one aswell.

    After everything I have been through I would say wait for your first AF before you TTC again just to make sure everything is OK (I had more probs so I couldn't TTC for over a year and thats why I say this).

    Next time there is a day that everyone is home, try and have a family day - we put the kids in the car and went about 15 min up the road to a park with kids stuff there that they could have fun climbing all over and we got hot chips at the near by shop, we had a ball so there was a bit of a ball game. It was just us and we had soooooo much fun. I couldn't do much but sit and watch and thow the ball every now and then but just watching the kids and DH play and sitting out in the open and enjoying the time was good for my soul I felt alot better in myself.

    It gets easyer as time goes by, the pain is still there but you learn to live with it, its 18 months since I lost my "Angel" and now I don't cry when I am thinking of my baby but thats not saying that I'm not sad and missing "angel".

    Take it day by day
    Take care

  6. #6
    SoTyHal Guest

    Thumbs up Thanks for your words of support...

    Thanks for your lovely messages of support, i have spent the day putting on a brave face as the third person tells me I'm lucky to have three sons....... i really wants to scream 'yes but i wanted this one to' ... . Did go to the park with the boys and found myself just laughing with them which was great.
    my heart goes out to all of you.
    So xx

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    S/West Sydney


    Gosh i think its absolutly horrible when people say that... "at least.... "

    I think its the most insensitive thing in they could say at that time.

    With my M/C a so called friend suggested that "maybe i couldnt have girls" as i have son... and also how i "should be happy i have one child" when we were told i couldnt concieve naturally by a GP....i was quick to let her know when i did fall preg again naturally this time... how dare people think that just because you are lucky to have children that when something goes wrong or you lose a baby that its ok, like your problems dont really matter....

    I wish i could give you a big hug of support hun, glad to hear you had a nice day with the kids,

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