Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[scooby]

i apologise in advance if i offend anyone, but i am ready to explode if i havent already. My DH took me out for dinner last night (the first time since my ectopic?surgery) we were having the most lovely night and it was so good to be out and about, apart form the odd prg woman around that made my stomach knot up. But it was cool and i was doing great, we finished up and walked outside and there standing at the front door was a girl i reckon 8 or 9 monthes prg SMOKING I was sooooo upset and i cant even believe how much i wanted to rip her throat out (sorry i'm really not a violent person) we walked home and i cried the whole way more than ive cried in the whole 2 monthes of this horrid experience. I told my husband i'm not just crying for me but all th wonderful women who have shared their heartbreak with me on this website, the ones of us that do everything right, go through hell and back, fertility treatment, invasive tests, mc's, ectopics, still births and the list goes on, we fight so hard to have our little ones and would give up everything just for the chance to hold our angels and shes standing there fagging it up, it just killed me, maybe i needed to have that cry i dont know, but even today my blood is still boiling and i cant help but ask WHY I guess i'll never know. My husband was so great and told me to look at DS who is 4 and so smart and sporty with no health problems and that is why!! so i guess i need to remember that, what i dont get is why you wouldnt want to give your child the best start in life, if you want to do things that put youre body in danger then thats up to you but when you are carrying another life its youre reponsibility to give that life the best. I do apologise for my rant i just had to get it off my chest. Thanks everyone for listening

[Lisa]

Oh Scooby... huge hugs to you sweetie :hugs:
I know that feeling all to well.
When I walked out of the Dr's office after being told that Noah "was incompatible with life" I bumped straight into a woman who is known in my town for her drug habits... and there she was, with a huge pregnant bump, on her way outside for a cigarette.
People like this make my blood boil!!!
I am reassured by knowing that every problem that Noah had wasn't because of my lifestyle... I dread to think about how much worse off he would have been if I was smoking, drinking or whatever during my pregnancy with him.

[bekyj2]

hey scooby i have to totally agree with u ..... one my family freinds where doing more than just smoking and she was 5 months
and me just being angry about my first mc i was furious and my family where wondering y.... there found out and told her off too... to this day she has stopped everyone that she was doing but still thats not the point......
my opion is that there are girls out there that will going through thik and thin to have a baby and ther are people of there that can have them and do many things worng during the pregnancy.. sorry if that mean just my thoughts about it

Me-17 Partner-18
:angel2::angel2:tyson and kate march 15th 2006
:angel2:and Hydie sep 18th 2007

[rosehannah]

Big hugs to you,

This will offend people who smoke around children

I see it as a form of child abuse and will until someone comes up with the proof that it doesn't harm the baby. Just as bad are people who smoke/ do drug around children. How selfish are these people that they put there own wants before the health needs of children.

[Mel1977]

Scooby, I am so sorry you had your evening ruined like that. Its hard enough to go out and get on with life as it is... the only thing I can say is that I think people like that woman do things like smoke through their pregnancy and dont think about what they are doing to their children simply because they havent had to fight to get them. I believe that people dont appreciate things until they are gone (or have to fight like hell for them in the first place), and so just dont see how lucky they are. I would have wanted to punch her in the nose as well Its exactly the reason we see people being mean to their children and not giving them the love they deserve... they just dont get it, and never will!

[Evie76]

rosehannah............... EXACTLY.................

That is all I am going to say about that.

[Ellie]

Well said! Does my head in too...some people just don't know how lucky they are!

[MagicSeahorse]

I agree.
Some people should never be aloud to have children.
Why is it always the stupid and ignorant that breed so well? And then there's us (meaning you ladies ans I) That do EVERYTHING right, panic if we even walk near a smoker, of look at a glass of wine, have such a hard time.
It's NOT FAIR!!!!!

[scooby]

Well they say bad things come in 3's and i'm hoping this is it now, i had my ectopic, lost a dear family member and now...... Sorry long story feel free to flip past, just need to vent.
We had a gorgeous black labrador, but we have just moved house, the back yard is tiny and the lab (called Sam) was very boisterous and my DS (4) wouldnt play with him as he was to big and bouncy. We found the most lovely family who adored him and they have 2 older kids and were moving to Indonesia and had a big back garden and loads of time for walks and cuddles, so i said they could take him it was so difficult cause i loved him dearly and being in another country i couldnt visit Well he was flying to Jakarta and then on to Duri were his new family live. At Jakarata airport they let him out of his cage and he is GONE. He's been lost for 5 days now and they have had police and locals looking for him cause hes in the airport(they hope) i am so worried how will he get food and water, i fear the worst and feel so evil for sending him in the first place. I just hope and hes safe and hopefully some lovely locals are taking care of him.

Ps did you see on the news this morning that a study has shown that 90% of SIDS cases the mother smoked while pregnant!!!!!!!!!!! I was going to write more but i would probably be banned from BB and i'd miss you all too much but i bet you know what i'm thinking.

[*LovemyKids*]

I was just reading this thread and totally agree with the smoking thing and i also saw the sids thing on the news today. What i don't understand that if studies have shown that 90% of babies who die from sids come from the mother who smoked while pregnany WHY do mothers smoke while pregnant. It makes no sense to me at all.

When my sil had my nephew my mil was nursing him feeding him a bottle and having a smoke at the same time. It made me sick.. I told my husband not only will she not be holding our kids while smoking but she will not be smoking in the same room as our children. I can't believe that my sil had no worries with this she just did not care.

sorry for the rant just wanted to say my opinion sorry if i offend anyone it was not my intention.

Nikki

[jlk]

I have live with the guilt that I killed my baby everyday because I smoked.

[scooby]

Jo
I'm so sorry and i understand that this thread probably really hurts you, no matter what NOONE deserves to lose their child and i am so so sorry for the pain and anguish you must feel. I was talking to my mum yesterday about this and she said about my aunt who has chronic liver disease and yet has never touched alcohol, but she said things just are how they are. I was just so hurt and upset the other night and for me that was my my trigger, i hadnt really cried too much since my ep and i guess it could have been a song on the radio, seeing children playing or whatever that triggered my full blown release, but it was a very preg women smoking. I really am so sorry for your lost angel and i really hope that the guilt will leave you one day. And please dont think you are responsible for the loss of you baby, there heaps of us who dont smoke and lose are babies, who knows??? Big hugs to you Jo

[Spring Angel]

Jo: :hugs: a million times over. I know it is difficult but try not to blame yourself. You are a wonderful mother.

I too had a situation where I came across a pregnant lady smoking. I was leaving hospital after giving birth to my stillborn son, and at the entrance to the delivery suite, was a lady puffing back on a smoke. I think it is important to remember that losing a child is such an emotionally charged time, that we focus on why me, trust me, when I saw that lady my DH had to phsyically restrain me from thumping her, but she isn't me, Harry wasn't coming back.

We do the best we can, I have never smoked but I know that smoking is a terrible, addictive habit, but like all the ladies have said, no one deserves to loose a child.

I think it is time for a big

Lv Spring

[paradise lost]

For me it was swearing. I was coming out of my post-MC doctors appointment and there was a woman in reception calling her all-of-3-months-old daughter a "Noisy little b1tch". I wanted to slap her face! Luckily i restrained myself. And though i have never said anything like THAT to smee, now i'm a mum i can relate to the stress involved!

I've never smoked but i used to work in smoking cessation for the NHS. In terms of chemical effects nicotine is as addictive as heroin. We know that heroin addicts often need ALOT of help to quit, but with smoking you get one lecture from a midwife and a packet of microtabs and sent on your way, expected to quit on your own. If quitting was easy no-one over the age of 16 and under the age of 70would smoke. It's expensive, stinky, restrictive (in this country where you can't do it in public anymore) and damages your health. At any one time 70% of smokers want to quit (and the other 30% usually are 70 and don't think quitting is worth it, just came out of a failed quit attempt and are trying to self-justify or are 13 and just started). It's THAT difficult. Added to that nicotine addiction drives a stronger desire to smoke during times of stress, like when you're in a hospital getting checked out, or when you're worrying about how you'll cope with another kid, or just generally when the enormity of pregnancy is hitting you. So many of the women i helped to quit had really stressful lives. Quitting smoking was throwing away a crutch and lots of them were terrified they'd plain fall down without that stress-relief-feeling from ciggies, even though they knew it was a fallacy. One girl i remember in particular was on her 3rd quit attempt that PG, at about 30wks. She was 27, she had 2 kids already, one of whom was mentally and physically disabled and needed round the clock physically demanding care. Her partner had just left her for a teenager, and her dad, recently diagnosed with cancer, had been given a few months to live and had come to live with her so she could care for him. The sum total of the help she got with this was 4 hours a week and one overnight every 2 months respite for her son and a macmillan cancer nurse every 3rd night for her dad. I do not know how she dealt with it all, and here she was asking me to help her quit those 5 cigarettes a day because she was terrified her new baby would be affected. My heart was breaking for her and i jus felt so impotent - nothing i could offer in the way of cessation counselling or nicotine replacement therapy would scratch the SURFACE of the things she was having to deal with.

I'm really glad the SIDS link has been documented. It will hopefully translate into more provision for everyone but ESPECIALLY pregnant women to help them quit once and for all.

Bec

[MagicSeahorse]

Sorry ladies if I offended anyone.
I've been rather exhausted the last few days and I tend to get a bit nasty when I'm tired.
But I agree with the thoughts about taking drugs, drinking and smoking when pregnant. And swering around small children. People complain that kids have no manners these days...this is why!
I'm being very restrained today. I really want to say more but I won't.
Lisa

[~Belinda~]

Jo, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss

I just had a look at Storm's web page, I am sure she will always be with you and your family.

Stay strong, thinking of you

Scooby, I realise you must have felt so terrible, hugs to you too and I hope you are doing ok. I guess it goes to show all of us that we all deal with heartache and unfairness in this world, just keep strong. I am thinking of you too

Bindy xxxx

[tempus moriendi]

Oh well, if we can't vent here, then where can we vent. But you're right. It's very frustrating to do everything right and lose a child, then see someone do everything wrong and get to keep theirs. There are just no guarentees in this life. The best we can do is stack the odds in our favor.