So depressed and scared so many questions, Miscarriage 6 wekes 1 day
Hello,
I had posted up about 5-6 weeks ago about me getting my BFP. Well, I had been having some bad left side cramps for weeks after wards without bleeding, and like 3 U/s before my 6th week to try to see what was causing the pain. They said that there was no evidence of a cyst on my left side no eptopic pregnancy, There is a cyst on my Right ovary. Anyways, My last U/s was on Monday the 21st we saw a gestational sac, I was like 5 Weeks and 3 days at that time. Um, I started bleeding on Thursday the 24th and I called told the doctor what was going on after hours call she told me to come in Friday the 25th for HCG and progesterone draw to see how my levels are. I Had Pre AF spotting that night & than in the morning it was Light AF like & I knew a few hours after I Saw the dr it would be a heavy period, I got my blood drawn and a pelvic exam she didn't say much but that my blood looked brown & that she was going to check my levels and if things looked good probably put me on progesterone just incase and do another U/s On Monday. Well Since my order was stat She called me at 4pm that night and told me that my level went from 138 to 10 and that I was miscarrying. And, that I needed to come in Thursday to get my blood redone and to make an apt to see her Friday.
I'm so scared & didn't get many things to ask my doctor when this all happened. I know everyone is diffrant when they have a loss & I know I will never forget my baby bean. How long does the depression/Grievance take for some of you? I'm sitting here thinking that this will never go away and I feel like I wont be able to go on with my own life. I know I can try for another baby but thats not what I want "I Want this baby" I want it back is what I'm saying, I keep asking why did this happen? Is it something I did??? All I can keep asking is questions... I hurt so bad
I'm also afraid of posiblitiy of needing a D & C, I'm to scared to even have the thought of a tube going down my throat weather or not I'm knocked out or not, Im so afraid to have anything like a prosidure as one of these or a C section done were I think I might run from it if I had to do it.... :-(..
Also, I only had a day and a half of bleeding (HEAVY bleeding) And now all of the bleeding has stopped!!!! WTF? Is this normal???
So, I have been severely depressed & I really don't know how long its going to take me to get over this, I'm so hurt all I can do is lay in bed thinking about what happened. It feels like this is going to take forever to be able to cope. I miss my baby and I want it back!!!!
Hi Baby Fever 2007,
Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. Its such an awful time! You just never think it'll happen to you. I also have just miscarried. I had an awful time emotionally and physically. I definitely would advise you to go and see your GP. Physically-I am hoping you have finished bleeding. One of the most important things to ensure is that there is no more conception products left in the uterus. If there is you can get more bleeding and infection. Its so different for everyone so yes it may be that it was only a day and a half for you. Sometimes you may need another u/s to ensure this, I'd actually be pushing your doc to allow you to have an u/s-just so then you know. Emotionally time time time, friends, family. I found this site really helpful, just to know there are so may others that understand.
Also your concerns with the D&C, I can only give you my experience, but after the D&C I felt so much better, no pain, tiny amount of bleeding. As I work in the health industry, and worked a few years in anaesthetics I was probably more scared about the anesthetic side of things then the D&C. As far as looking at it solely on anaesthetic point of view, its pretty much as straight forward for them as it gets. Don't be scared of the ET tube, you won't remember it. Might have a bit of a sore throat.
Although it sounds lame just take it day by day. But definitely get medical advise. Write down all your questions and take them in.
My thoughts are with you. xox
Babyfever,
What horrible news, I am afraid to say the pain will ease but never leave, I misscarried in June of last year and still struggle to come to turns to why it happened. There are so many varying factors that I'll never know why and I think that's the hardest part, I found that the sight of a pregnant belly would put me to tears and I was truely devestated to find out about 6 months later my sister in law was expecting! I will always have my angel in my heart and that's something that will never be taken from me!
As for the D&C I was lucky that i didn't have to have one, I was 9.5 weeks along at the time of miscarring, but I also had extremly heavy bleed. I did have to have check ups with the hospital and my Gp to make sure everything was ok.
I'll be thinking of you as you face the next few days as they'll be the hardest and remember your angel will always be with you!
Keep your chin up hun and look after yourself!!!!!
babyfever - I have seen a few of your posts over the past few weeks so it makes me really sad to be reading this one today.
Life is just cruel sometimes. I've had 2 x m/c and it is just something that no-one should have to go through. For me the pain will always be there but I have just learnt how to cope from day to day. My first m/c was nearly two years ago and I still get sad and upset when I think about it. I agree with you though, i didn't want to get pg again to make up for our loss, I just wanted that baby back.
I had a d&c after both m/c because they were both incomplete (second was missed so I only knew I miscarried when I went for u/s). I was really scared the first time as I'd never been under aneasthetic before but it was ok. Second time I wasn't scared I was just devastated.
I've since done some tests (to find out 'why') and the only thing found was a uterine polyp which was removed, but that still may not be the reason I lost those two bubs. Hopefully this time we're third time lucky but I still worry.
Sending you a million . Don't set yourself a time limit, just take each day as it comes. You'll find you will eventually have a more good days among the bad days... they will become more frequent and more happier but it will take time. But you will always have a special place in your heart for your angel.
i know exactly what you are going through love. The pain and tormented thoughts about a bub that you want so much but never got to carry, birth and love. I was informed that i had miscarried at about 7 weeks when the sac was empty at a routine u/s and that was 7 weeks ago. I would have been about 14weeks pregnant with a nice little baby bump by now but it was meant to happen. I still grieve for my bub (and i have tears in my eyes as i am typing this) 7 weeks on. I was thinking of her (i wished for it to be a little girl) yesterday, driving and spoke out loud, hoping that she'd hear me and how i missed her so much, my dear little baby Zara, wanted by no-one but me (she was unplanned). i don't think you can set a grievance time. You will always think of your little bub, sometimes at the most unexpected times. I don't think i can ever forget her. She was truly my last chance at having bub#3 as hubby wanted and still wants no more kids.
I agree with Tully, if the dr. says to get a D&C done, go get it done as then you will rest assured that there is no conception product left and you can start TTC for another bubs when you are ready.
You haven't done anything wrong to m/c this bub. I was always blamed for losing my little Zara through exercising or going to the heated pools or some other stupid reason. Drs told me that it was not my fault and that sometimes the female and male chromosomes (in the egg and sperm) don't communicate that well and decide abort. It's just nature telling us that the baby wouldn't have been the perfect little being that we all wish for. Try and be positive. i know it is hard. People around you might think you are stupid for crying after the loss at such an early stage of pregnancy but they don't know what you are going through. Grieving is normal. Cry all you want.
I truly wish you all the best. Try and be positive...
I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about everyones losses. I wish that there were no such things as Misscarrages or anything in this world like that.
I have the blame on myself that I did to much activity at MonkeyBuisness kids place on that Wednesday & I sit and think to myself why did I my self while pregnant let my self play on air things that you can jump on and lift up my kids just to let them go down the slids... (I feel sooo stupid)...
I miss my bubs so much, I have a strong feeling it would have been a boy that I long dreamed of.
I want to give everyone I don't know how you all get through it, its so hard but I'm sure that I will be able to make it soon. I hope to be strong..
I am so sorry for your loss of little baby bean. I just really feel for you and wanted to send some big hugs your way, because I know that you need and deserve them!
I also wanted to extend my deepest support that there was nothing that you did wrong. It's easier said than done, I know. I spent an age trying to work out what I could have done differently when I had my loss, but ultimately, sometimes, these things are just unexplainable.
When I fell pregnant the second time, I didnt realise for 6 weeks (irregular cycle etc). During this time was Christmas and NY. Champagne was drunk, soft cheeses eaten to the max, and somehow, my little buddah bub leila made it. When i did the pregnancy test and realised I was pregnant I had all this fear of losing her and losing another baby, but as the weeks went on I realised that some bubs just make it, and it made me feel more at peace with my first loss. there was nothing that I did wrong, she just wasn't meant to be (i also had a feeling about the gender!).
Your 'little bean' will always be in your heart. No-one can take that away from you! Give yourself time to deal with this in the way you need. And be rest assured that us girls (and guys!) will be here to support you and share your journey. and also, you are one of the strong ones. you don't have to hope, just know.
BF,
I know the guilt. I've felt guilty too but just remember you did not cause your mc through playing on kids equipment. look at all the celebs.. they jog, run and do allsorts of things. Nicole Kidman was still jogging/running at 5 months preg. Angelina Jolie was carrying around Shiloh and Zahara to the day she popped out her twins. I think Mother Nature has designed our bodies to protect our bubs when we do heavy lifting or runabout.
Babyfever - I'm so sorry for your loss. please don't blame yourself. Nothing you did or didn't do made this m/c happen. I believe that sometimes things happen to make us stronger, it doesn't make it any easier though. Grieving takes many forms and takes people different times. You may never forget this little bean. He/she will always be part of your family. I promise you, it will get easier. There will be times when it really hits you and you have "moments" sometimes these moments may last minutes, hours or days. Special events, or some people may set you off, it's all normal and natural.
You really need to have an u/sound to make sure there is nothing left inside that will cause further problems. I m/c last november, spent the night in hospital as I reacted badly to the morpheine they gave me for pain relief, before they would allow me to go home, i had an u/sound to ensure that nothing was left and I didn't have to have a D & C. I bled for another week after that.
No new baby will ever replace the baby you have lost. A lot of people have different ways to commerate the little angel they have lost. Some have jewelery, tattoos and trees/plants. You will find your special way when you are ready. I would love to have another little one, we, as a family, talk about our angel, we refer to her as "she" (like Cassius we had a feeling about her gender) and even our kids refer to her as part of our family. We don't want to replace her, I'd just love to add to our family as I know we have so much to give another little person.
When you're ready pop into the TTC after m/c and loss thread, you'll be very welcome and the girls there are so helpful and understanding. I'm not sure I could have got through this without someone who knew and understood what I was feeling.
you have done nothing to cause the miscarriage and you could have done nothing to prevent it. take time to heal it will get better with time but you will always feel a piece is missing but you will get through this and be a better and a stonger person for it.
I had my apt with the OB on Friday to have things looked at after they drew my HCG on the day before (thursday). She said my HCG went back to 0, and my uterus felt normal. She didn't do a U/s to make sure there was nothing in there. I had one 4 days prior to my Miscarriage and there was a gestational sac or what we thought was one, the tec wasn't sure if it was one because it was pretty long and she said there was some extra fluid (whatever that ment). Than 4 days later I had lost baby, I cannot beleive how fast it happened it was like Now you see me now you don't thing.I was pretty heart broken, I was due to come in on AUg 4th (tomarrow) for a 7-8 week ultrasound to see the heartbeat. And, all I can think is I wish I could have seen the baby...
So depressed and scared so many questions, Miscarriage 6 wekes 1 day
All I can keep asking is questions... I hurt so bad
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