Thanks for the support everyone. It is really helping - today I'm having a much better day. Don't get me wrong, still very emotionally raw and lots of tears, but I am trying to be positive - 'I choose to be happy' - and I am trying to surround myself with positive people. So far, so good.
Emmy-lou, that poem is just perfect. Sure, I break down each time I read it, but it sums up how I feel, I think! I am going to print that out and put it in my angel baby's special box. My MIL brought some flowers around today - beautiful pink rosebuds. I have taken one and am spraying it with hairspray every day to preserve it. A friend of mine did it to her wedding bouquet 5 years ago and her flowers look like porcelain. So, that perfect pink rosebud is also going in my baby's special box.
On the subject of flowers - and I don't want this to sound selfish or anything - but I feel they are starting to get a little long in the tooth. I mean, 2 weeks ago I would've really appreciated seeing them, smelling them. You know, trying to see the finer things of life - 'stop and smell the roses'.
Now, they just keep reminding me, and since realising that I am no longer blind with anguish but dull with grief, they just keep reminding me. Is that bad? I also received a beautiful arrangement from a very old friend last night. I know that she sent them out of the goodness of her heart, but they just opened up a very raw wound.
Rowie, I see your ticker is very near it's end - how are you doing???
Everyone else (sorry, no personals, I have a very bad memory!!!!!! and that poem takes up a lot of room ) I hope that you are on the road to healing and that you are all having positive thoughts and good moments that will turn into good hours, and into good days.
xmuginsx, I have thought about buying a boxing bag for the garage. I boxed until I was 7mths with DS (and that was only because my belly started getting in the way...), maybe I should get back into it!
You will never guess what has just happened. I have spent the morning with a friend who had a m/c last year, so we had a nice chat over coffee whilst our 2 kids played nicely. So, I'm feeling pretty good.
Then I get home and there is an invoice from the hospital for my D&C. On my pre-admission forms I filled in the authority for them to take the gap fee off my c/card so that as little paperwork as possible (therefore harsh reminders) actually made it to the house. Then, GET THIS.... It was listed that I had an abortion. Can you believe it???
So, I jump on the phone (and am absolutely ropeable by this time) to find out what the hell is going on. I'm put on hold and have to listen to maternity ward visiting hours and rules. Thanks very much.
I finally get thru to accounts and the poor girl on the other end COPPED it. Big time. "My baby DIED. I did not have a choice in this. I did not have an abortion."
Needless to say, the head of the hospital has a nice little phone message on her desk to call me and firstly apologise for such crappy administration and secondly to rectify the problem. This should not happen - something in the accounting system needs to be changed.
On another note, 3 week post-D&C check up tomorrow with OB. Wish me luck.
Well, no reply from the hospital - surprise, surprise..... I think I will put something in writing.
Had 3 week check up today with OB, all is fine. I told him about the hospital invoice and he said that it should never have been sent out like that.
Anyway, also had pap smear (was due next month anyway), and he said that either I have just ovulated or am due to.... So, will be doing the BD over the next week or so - you just never know what's gonna happen!!!
Brockstar, am sorry to hear what happened at the hospital...the hospital i was sent to to have ultrasound when i m/c actually faxed my local hospital to say i had a d&c done when i actually didn't...i suspect these errors happen all too often...make sure you write to them though it's not good enough.. i hope your check up went well..i have mine in two and a half weeks and can't wait to get past that hurdle...
Take Care everyone
Rowie, all the best for you and your lil one to be soon..
xoxox
Hey brockstar - my story fits in between the lines of the ladies who have written before me so I won't go into details. Apart from the deep need to have another child, I do know of the desperation to give my son a brother or sister so that he is not an only child. I feel your pain, you are obviously not alone. I don't think we ever really stop grieving but there does come a time somewhere in the future where somehow we cope better. As Starrysky mentioned, please join us in the trying to conceive after miscarriage and loss threads when you are ready. You have many friends there to help you and who will listen.
Emmy-Lou - thankyou for sharing that beautiful poem.
I lost a baby early this year too. Although I was bleeding, so I knew something was wrong, I had to have a d & c as my body didn't seem to want to let the baby go. I also had moments of anger with myself, along the lines of "the baby is dead, just let this end!", but I comfort myself with the thought that maybe it wasn't my body being 'stupid', but that I loved my baby too much to let it go.
) I hope that you are on the road to healing and that you are all having positive thoughts and good moments that will turn into good hours, and into good days. 
Reply With QuoteCan you believe it???
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