I am new to this site and I am posting in hopes to relieve some pain I have.

It was the afternoon of 9/11/2007 where I was 24 weeks 6 days pregnant. I was experiencing pain in my lower back. After 1 hour of back pain, I decided to start timing the pain. It was 5-7 minutes apart and I decided to call my OB after I had a lot of bleeding. When she told be to go to labor and delivery, I started to freak out. Luckily my husband was on vacation at the time so he drove me to the hospital. My baby was breach and my placenta was slightly over my cervix. The only thing they could do was to do an emergency c-section. I was freaked out and told my husband to call my mom. My handsome baby boy, Nikolai Liam Voeller, was born at 4:41PM that day and was 1 LB 12OZ. He was rushed to an Intensive care facility for preemies. I was discharged a day early to be with him. A day later, his doctor informed my husband and I that he was bleeding SEVERELY in his brain and we had to choose whether or not to pull life support. Knowing that he had a 0-1% chance of survival, we made the hardest decision any parent can make. Now, my emotions are like a roller coaster and I have no clue how to cope. I feel so guilty for the choice I made even though I know it was the right one to make. Luckily I was able to hold him before life support was taken off and when it was taken off. I held him until the last breath he took. My husband and I talked to him and told him that we love him, to be strong, and to RIP. Minutes before his last breath, he brought out his arm, to wave goodbye. I am so heart broken I cannot even begin to express how I feel. How can I manage my depression and go on my everyday life?