I think you are very brave to have made that hard decision to terminate. To terminate or to miscarriage naturally - its still taking away hopes and dreams you had.
xoxoxox
Go easy on yourself. Take the time to grieve about your baby.
Firstly hun I just wanted to say that I am ever so sorry for your loss .... It couldn't have been an easy decision to make but you had no choice, so please don't be angry at yourself ..... Give yourself time to heal and then, just may be you might feel that you can talk to your family or friends about it- They won't judge you they will support you and your family .... Have you been offered any counseling ? May be that some thing to thing about to help you get through this tough time.
Well done for coming in here and telling other women about what you are going through.
I think you have done a very hard and very gutsy thing. Let me tell you my story so I can tell you why I think you have made a hard decision and one that I can appreciate.
When I was 20 weeks preg with our first child I was told about his very significant level of heart disease (his heart didn't form properly in my womb). We were offered a termination then and again by two other doctors at 22 weeks. His chances of survival were not good and he had a lot of surgery to get through before a life of limited physical capacity and a lifespan much shorter than any mother wants for her baby. We went ahead as at least he would have a life we could make happy. Very long story short and fast forward to 6 weeks old. After much surgery, horrid complications and a very small and sick baby we were told that he was going to die. My guilt was huge that I had brought him into the world because I was not brave enough to terminate at 20 wks and that because of me he was now going to die from horrid complications and in pain having never been outside a hospital. He didn't and we eventually brought him home, he needs a heart-lung transplant after many surgeries.
My point is that we all suffer mother guilt. When we grow babies that cant live outside the womb or are so badly formed that they need huge amounts of intervention our guilt is mountainous. It has been for me anyway. I always assumed I would make big, happy babies. I never imagined it would be any other way. Why would I?
I just wanted to say that you have been very courageous and I agree with others here that you need to give yourself time to grieve and recognize that you didn't actually have a choice.
and
to you.
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