Hi, I am currently about 15 weeks pregnant and I have had to make a dreadful decision that i am sure some may not agree with. After several scans, tests and many doctor visits i have been told that my only options with this pregnancy is to wait for a miscarriage to happen or to terminate (my baby has many problems and has no chance of surviving to full term). I have decided on the second option as i dont think i can deal with a miscarriage happening later on in my pregnancy. If I was told it will happen in 3 or 4 weeks time it would be something i could deal with but no one can predict something like this. I have been told that i need to be induced and go through labour to terminate this pregnancy. This is just devasting. Has anyone been through this and how did you cope with the emotional pain of going through labour. I am still in shock and am so heartbroken.
You poor thing, that's so awful! I can't even imagine. Did your Dr. say why this was happening? Doctors can be wrong, they can't say with 100% percent certainty that you'll miscarry.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
My baby has a chromosome problem and also a lot of other problems. There is a lot of fluid surrounding and in the baby, the thickness around the neck is about 16mm, there is heart and lung problem.....there are too many things. The past couple of weeks i have hang onto some hope that things will get better but the last scan showed it was a lot worse. It is a lot to deal with and the thought of having to go through labour was just unbearable..
I'm so sorry Braveheart that you are in this situation. My thoughts are with you The pain of miscarriage is terrible let alone having to make this decision and then go through labor. It just seems so unfair.
My sister has been through this and is a member of BB.. She is away till tomorrow but I will let her know about you and when she gets a chance I am sure she will pop in and talk to you
Hi,
So sorry to hear what you're going through. This is definately a heartbreaking decision. Two years ago at my 20wk scan we found out our baby had Trisomy 13 which is a chromosone abnormality and our baby had multiple physical & organ deformities, we were told our baby would not survive full term. We were also told we would need to consider terminating the preg. Our precious Emmanuel was stillborn at 24wks and I went through 27hrs of labour, and as hard as it was I am so grateful I was able to see and hold my beautiful boy. It helped in my grieving process and I can now look back and hold precious memories of my angel.
Have you had an amnio or any diagnostic testing to determine the condition of your baby? If you have any questions that I can answer I would be more than happy.
I will be thinking of you.
I really dont have any comforting words but I do know someone who went through something similar - she had to birth her baby at 18 weeks due to abnormalites. It took her about 5 months to feel strong enough again but now she is pregnant.
It really is a heartbreaking decision and I wish you all the strength in the world.
I have 2 people in my life who had a baby with Trisomy 13.
A good friend & my MIL.
They both had their babies at term as they didn't know about the disability.
MIL had scans done & found out after that the doctor knew all along, but didn't tell her. Don't really know why, but she said if she had've known she would've terminated. He lived for 3 weeks.
My friend was only 15 & didn't seek medical assistance. She ended up with an emergency c/s & her little girl lived for 6 days.
You made a very hard decision & we are all here to support you through it.
Braveheart, big hugs to you. No-one should have to go through this. It is indeed a heartbreaking decision and I am sure that no-one could think less of you either way.
Someone I know has been through this. She was induced and delivered her baby boy, and got to hold him before he was taken away. She was in the same situation and made the decision not to wait for it to happen. She found it very difficult obviously, but I think having some control (ie choosing when it will happen) helped. The labour itself was quick and relatively easy, with such a small bub it is not quite as difficult as with a term baby. She has since gone on to have two beautiful, healthy girls, and while I'm sure her little boy will always be in her heart, she has been able to move on and make peace with it.
I hope that you are able to find peace too. I think you are very courageous, and that strength will help you through. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. I wish you all the very best. I am very sorry that you are going through this.
Braveheart,
Oh sweetie, my heart is breaking for you right now. I am so sorry that you're going through this. I wish that no one had to ever know this pain.
I too had to make th heartbreaking decision to terminate my much loved and much wanted little man Noah. We found out at 19 weeks that Noah had a blockage in his urinary tract, which led to his bladder being full of amniotic fluid as he was unable to excrete it as he was supposed to. Because his bladder was so big, it squashed his other internal organs, therefore making his lungs too small to be able to ever function properly, even if he was to make it to term. As well as these problems, he also had no left kidney and a severely abnormal right kidney which meant that there was no way he would be able to survive outside of the womb.
There was also no amniotic fluid surrounding him which meant that if I was to fall, I would have done serious damage to both myself and him.
We made the choice to interrupt the pregnancy. That choice was the hardest choice I have ever had to make in my life. In one day my life changed forever.
I was put into the hospital on a Sunday, and delivered Noah on the Tuesday. The contractions were the same as the contractions I had with my other babies, only they hurt so much more because I knew there was no precious little baby to take home with me. Delivering him was not physically painful, but it hurt my soul... I cried and closed my legs, not wanting to let my baby go. I wanted to hold him, safe inside me for as long as I could. It still tears me up to remember his birth... but it was the most important thing I felt I did for him... I delivered him the same way I delivered his siblings. After he was born, I held him and kissed him and never wanted to let him go. I spent as much time as I could, trying to take in every single detail of the beautiful baby that he was. I have photos of him and treasure every second I got to spend with him.
If you feel better holding off for a couple more weeks, then that choice should be yours to make... after all it is your baby that you're carrying, no one elses (besides your DH that is). Because I was 20w5d, I was offered to have the dates changed to under 20 weeks if thats what I wanted, to save me the pain of arranging a funeral. My husband and I knew that the very least we could do was honor our son by registering his birth & death and holding a funeral for him... that was our choice, and had we found out earlier (18 weeks say), we would have held off until 20 weeks to make sure we could register his birth.
If there is anything I can do for you, or if you ever want to talk, please feel free to contact me at anytime. My email address is in my profile.
Thinking of you honey huge hugs,
Lisa
Last edited by Lisa; August 2nd, 2008 at 11:23 PM.
thanks........i have had all the testing done...i am in a situation where there isnt enough choices. I have coped through a long labour before and it was fine as your looking so forward to the end. I just have no idea how i am going to get through with this. How can i numb the emotional pain? I dont know whether i will be able to cope with seeing my baby at the end and i maybe i dont want to? Is that terrible? The past couple of weeks have just been a nightmare. I cant believe that one moment when we were getting our scan at 13 weeks (i was so excited as we were going to tell family/friends our good news) that things can just come crushing down so quickly. I had a little bleeding at 7 weeks so i got a scan as i thought i was having another miscarriage. The scan showed a little bleeding but everything was fine so i was not expecting things to be worse. I feel absolutely blessed that i have a healthy 1 year old and i need to be strong for her. She doesnt understand why her mummy is upset & crying. It is just really depressing at the moment and i am sure i will eventually get through this. I have read many of the stories here and i am amazed at the strength people have. Thanks
A friend of mine lost her baby at 25 weeks.
They tried to get her to hold him, but she said she couldn't as that would've made it real.
She didn't see him & 20 years later still thinks she made the right decision for her.
I do understand. It's your choice. I just hope either way it ends up being the right decision for you.
Reply With QuoteI hope and pray your body and your heart are able to heal. What a tragedy.
heartbreaking decision
Registered User
huge hugs,
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