Hi, I am currently about 15 weeks pregnant and I have had to make a dreadful decision that i am sure some may not agree with. After several scans, tests and many doctor visits i have been told that my only options with this pregnancy is to wait for a miscarriage to happen or to terminate (my baby has many problems and has no chance of surviving to full term). I have decided on the second option as i dont think i can deal with a miscarriage happening later on in my pregnancy. If I was told it will happen in 3 or 4 weeks time it would be something i could deal with but no one can predict something like this. I have been told that i need to be induced and go through labour to terminate this pregnancy. This is just devasting. Has anyone been through this and how did you cope with the emotional pain of going through labour. I am still in shock and am so heartbroken.
You poor thing, that's so awful! I can't even imagine. Did your Dr. say why this was happening? Doctors can be wrong, they can't say with 100% percent certainty that you'll miscarry.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
My baby has a chromosome problem and also a lot of other problems. There is a lot of fluid surrounding and in the baby, the thickness around the neck is about 16mm, there is heart and lung problem.....there are too many things. The past couple of weeks i have hang onto some hope that things will get better but the last scan showed it was a lot worse. It is a lot to deal with and the thought of having to go through labour was just unbearable..
I'm so sorry Braveheart that you are in this situation. My thoughts are with you The pain of miscarriage is terrible let alone having to make this decision and then go through labor. It just seems so unfair.
My sister has been through this and is a member of BB.. She is away till tomorrow but I will let her know about you and when she gets a chance I am sure she will pop in and talk to you
Hi,
So sorry to hear what you're going through. This is definately a heartbreaking decision. Two years ago at my 20wk scan we found out our baby had Trisomy 13 which is a chromosone abnormality and our baby had multiple physical & organ deformities, we were told our baby would not survive full term. We were also told we would need to consider terminating the preg. Our precious Emmanuel was stillborn at 24wks and I went through 27hrs of labour, and as hard as it was I am so grateful I was able to see and hold my beautiful boy. It helped in my grieving process and I can now look back and hold precious memories of my angel.
Have you had an amnio or any diagnostic testing to determine the condition of your baby? If you have any questions that I can answer I would be more than happy.
I will be thinking of you.
Braveheart,
I am so very sorry. I am thinking of you at this difficult time.
I had an induced labour at 16 weeks when my son Luke was stillborn due to a cord accident. It was an awful thing to have to do, but for me, it was the best way.
All i can offer you are great big hugs and that you and your family are in my thoughts. I wish you all the strength to pass through this very very tough period.
Oh hun, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Noone should ever have to feel these emotions. I try to look at it that we got to meet our daughter Ava. If it was a few weeks earlier we would never have met her. My waters broke at 17 1/2 weeks and nature was supposed to take its course. 10 days later we had a scan which showed there was not a drop of fluid and also that she was still alive. My heart broke. We then had to make the decision to carry on or terminate. (She may have made it to full term but her lungs would be 17 weeks still) It is the worse decision to ever have to make and I am so so sorry you have to make it. Do what is right for you both. As someone else said, she waited till the 20 week mark so her bub was registered. We were 10 days away from 20 weeks and she was only recognised as a feotus. Luckily for us the funeral director saw her as a baby and we were able to have a cremation for her. Had I knwon this, things may have been different.
It is completely your decision as to whether you want to see your baby or not. Do not let anyone force you either way. We had both sets of parents, my sis and one very close friend hold her also. I felt that if I needed to talk to someone other than family, my friend is able to share that memory with me. We also took a blanket to wrap her in that I still snuggle with every morning. Anything that you would like as a memory, a teddy, foot and hand prints, photos, weight, height. Take your time in deciding to see your baby or not. I too was unsure how she would look. I can't describe the emotions that overtook me when Ava was born. I think almost like a mother with a healthy newborn. (I think, as Ava was our first). I had an ENORMOUS amount of love for her and just wanted to hold her close. The saddness kicked in a few minutes later but I treasure those feelings I first had.
You are both in my thoughts. Do what is best for the 3 of you. Stanas
Thankyou for all kind words/stories/support. i have made the dreadful decision to stop the pregnancy (appt in a few days). I still have no idea how i am going to cope with the emotional pain. Is the physically pain the same as a normal labour? I also still dont know if i can deal with seeing/holding my baby at the end. I feel terrible and gulity that i cant deal with having that connection as it will make it too real. Will I regret it? I have the scanned picture in my head that wont go away (i dont see what the docs see) and i am happy to hold onto this image.
sweetie labour side I can't tell you mine was very easy ....the connection will be there, as hard as it wil be hold your baby spend time with him...trust me you will cope with the emotional pain yes there will be days when you say why should I go on, why not me, these are all perfectly normal I still 5 years down the track have days where I can't stop crying, but these are few and far between now...I made a promise to my Katy to live everyday for her, to experience the unknown to enjoy life for her, to take time to smell the roses or look for animals in the clouds.
I know it sounds cliche but these are the things that got me thru my darkest hours, another thing talk to your partner talk to your family talk to your friends talk to the girls here, you have a son unfortunatly the angel in the book of life is going to write to perfect for this earth..he will alwasy watch over you live your life for him...
the one thing I can't say enough take pictures if you and your partner can't ask the nursing staff, when we had Katy I was in a state of shock as I imagine you are and we didn't take any pics nor were we asked if we wanted any, to this day it is something I regret, I have her hand and footprints and a picture in my mind of what she looked like but no pictures
I too recently went through something very similar and i feel for you so much. I had my 12 week scan and all looked great the guy said and then the following day my OB called to ask me to come in,well i knew then something was wrong. I had tested 1 in 27 for chromosones 18 & 13, i was so scared but part of me believed all would be ok. Well the next week i was booked in for a CVS, as the Dr started to do the US i myself could see there was no heartbeat,i was shattered.I had a D&C that day,that was 3 weeks ago and im still a mess.
What im trying to say is that i also had a week where all i thought about was having to decide if the test came back positive would i terminate and my answer was yes.I couldnt do that to the baby, my family and my 1 yr old DD. But i suppose God stepped in and took that decsion out of my hands and part me is thankful he did! We have had genetic testing done on our baby to see if it was positive....
My heart and thoughts are with you and im sending you huge hugs xxx
heartbreaking decision
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I hope and pray your body and your heart are able to heal. What a tragedy.
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