Oh hun, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Noone should ever have to feel these emotions. I try to look at it that we got to meet our daughter Ava. If it was a few weeks earlier we would never have met her. My waters broke at 17 1/2 weeks and nature was supposed to take its course. 10 days later we had a scan which showed there was not a drop of fluid and also that she was still alive. My heart broke. We then had to make the decision to carry on or terminate. (She may have made it to full term but her lungs would be 17 weeks still) It is the worse decision to ever have to make and I am so so sorry you have to make it. Do what is right for you both. As someone else said, she waited till the 20 week mark so her bub was registered. We were 10 days away from 20 weeks and she was only recognised as a feotus. Luckily for us the funeral director saw her as a baby and we were able to have a cremation for her. Had I knwon this, things may have been different.

It is completely your decision as to whether you want to see your baby or not. Do not let anyone force you either way. We had both sets of parents, my sis and one very close friend hold her also. I felt that if I needed to talk to someone other than family, my friend is able to share that memory with me. We also took a blanket to wrap her in that I still snuggle with every morning. Anything that you would like as a memory, a teddy, foot and hand prints, photos, weight, height. Take your time in deciding to see your baby or not. I too was unsure how she would look. I can't describe the emotions that overtook me when Ava was born. I think almost like a mother with a healthy newborn. (I think, as Ava was our first). I had an ENORMOUS amount of love for her and just wanted to hold her close. The saddness kicked in a few minutes later but I treasure those feelings I first had.
You are both in my thoughts. Do what is best for the 3 of you.
Stanas