Heartbroken.....did I do something wrong?

[scooby]

Hi Claire
Still thinking of you i hope your ok and i wish you the speediest of mc's and recovery. With the emotional side it will take alot of time, so be good to yourself. i hope your family are ok too, iknow its so hard on them as well, luckily my little man is only 3 so he doesnt know whats going on, which is a blessing. big hugs to you and your family and i hope you are thinkin of giving it another try, because you sound like you would be the most awesome mum and i think you deserve to be blessed. take care and hope to hear from you soon

[Jayney]

I am so sorry for your loss we miss our loved little ones so.

don't feel bad about telling people. Although it is hard to tell them in the short term over the next few weeks and months you will find that they will be more sensitive and understanding of you. Your friends although they don't know what to say are there to support you and will be ready to help you if need be

Hang in there.

[psychobear]

I am going through the same thing at around the same point in my pregnancy. At first I went totally numb but now I hurt so badly I wish for the numbness to return.....I feel your sadness and anger. My heart is with you.

[Clairebear]

Hi Girls,

Hope you are all doing well.Gosh this has been a very hard journey,but you know what they say "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger".I cannot thankyou all enough for your lovely messages and inspiration,it really is a blessing to have all of you and BB. I am slowly but surely getting back to normal,feel heaps better and although confused a little more positive about the future.
I have to go to my clinic 2moro for hopefully my last scan of this cycle...I hope it's all gone and there's no need for a D&C. Then all going well it will be back to work and try to move forward.

I was told at my clinic about a place called Cape Fertility in South Africa,who have a very successful egg donor program.Apparently there is no waiting list and it's possible to have very good donor matching...the donors are young uni students.My clinic said they have the technology to freeze EGGS and have them transfered to the clinic. My Dh and I are now weighing up the pros and cons of wether this could be an option for us......it's not cheap....$17,000 all inclusive.
Anyway,wishing you all the best of luck with any upcoming transfers or treatment .....keep us up to date and I will let you guys know what info I get about the whole thing.

Hugs to all,
Claire

[chris]

Hi claire
I hope you don't mind me asking but what do you mean by no more eggs??
I thought all wome were born with enough eggs to last till they go into menopause. I am 37 also and am TTC and never thought about not having enough eggs. How do you find out how many eggs you have left???
Take care
Chris

[Lissie]

Claire,
Gosh i am so sorry you must endure this. I know only to well how you feel. Its one of the worst or should i say the worst emotional pain i have ever felt so you are not alone and most of us feel this way. All i can say is you did nothing wrong hun, i hate the saying but when this happens "its just not fair" - i know you want to scream, through things, just cry but know with time the pain will dull and you will be able to live with whatever you are feeling right now. I wish you luck with your decision making and all I will add is go with your heart - for me i never want to look back and say should of could of but why didn't I? I don't want to regret any decision as far as TTC - take care Claire. I really hope your dream comes true.

[Clairebear]

Hi girls,
Thank you all so very much for your replys and concern.
I had my last scan and last blood test and everything is back to normal.I MC naturally with no major pain or problems,which was a huge relief. I got a msg from my clinic today to let me know it's all over and wishing me luck for the future,it all felt so awfully final and sad. BUT....i'm not quite ready to give up,there's fight left in the old girl yet!

We are very seriously considering placing an ad for a donor and if that fails we will try the international clinics...probably S Africa. I am still very emotional about everything so am trying to stay as grounded as possible but I really can't accept it's over!

Chris,to answer your question and sorry for taking so long! I was diagnosed with POF (Premature Ovarian Failure) at 26. One month I had a period as normal then the next nothing and I haven't had a natural period since!Yes you are right in saying that the majority of women are born with enough eggs to last until menopause.However what you get at birth is it,they don't renew and they can't be grown again.For me ,they ran out at 26 very early and very young.Science does not know why my condition happens I either had very few to start with or lost too many too quickly. My ovaries are now very small and shrivelled. I finally after many years of trying everything from HRT to accupuncture to stimulate them had to accept that my eggs were gone.I miraculously found an amazing anonymous donor and she gave me 4 eggs.They were fertilised with hubby's spem and I gave birth to a wonderful daughter who is now 5.I recently had a transfer of the remaining 2 embryos and fell pregnant again but as you know lost them.So that is why we don't have any more eggs to try without finding another donor.I think that for some reason infertility is becoming more and more common.More tests should be done on young women to keep them informed about their fertility,so that what has happened to me and many others can be prevented.

Hugs to you all,
Claire

[chelle66]

Hi claire, just wanted to say hugs too you...I have just read your journey, and I had know idea this could happen with eggs...Im so sorry you had to loose a very much wanted and precious baby....What a lovely brave strong woman you are.I hope you find donor eggs very soon, and you can continue with your dream.Hugs and much love to you.xxooxxoo

[MagicSeahorse]

Oh Hun, My heartbleeds for you.:hugs:
I'm so sorry. But believe us all when we say IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! It isn't anyones fault.
Every one on here has said it all so well, so I can't add really add any thing.
With the loss of my first two pregnacies, I felt like I was a failure as a human being. I resented all around me, especially pregnant women and new mothers and myself. Then someone in town started a rumour that I was pregnant, so I had two weeks of people coming in to congradulate me. THAT was the hardest.
Cry, scream, do what ever you feel. Just stay in bed if you want to. And try not to resent others, remember it's no ones fault, not theirs and definatly NOT YOURS.
We are all here for you.
Remember you have another guardian angel looking after you.
Lisa

[tempus moriendi]

I'm so sorry for your pain and I'm keeping you in my prayers. I've had four mis's, but even with our first child (which I thankfully brought to term), we were always afraid to tell people. And for just the reason you cite--that's it's painful and awkward to tell them your sad news. But with my third miscarriage, due to some circumstances beyond our control, people had found out and I was surprised--miscarriage is a very common experience. I had people coming out of the woodwork to offer their emotional support and share their stories. I didn't even know they had ever miscarried!!! Good luck and I hope you find the support you need at this time...