I found out yesterday that at 6wks and 5 days my beautiful baby had no heartbeat.

What an absolutely horrible thing to have to endure...the vision of that empty cold space will stay with me forever.You know even thoug my hcg wasn't rising properly and I was told to expect the worst...I still FELT pregnant,I still hoped until that very last sec that it would all be ok. The embryologist and doctors joked with me at my transfer that I should be prepared for twins because they looked so healthy...and now look at me without even one.
I am so very sad,so angry and feel so guilty. Did they not know how much I wanted them,did I do something wrong? It was all looking so good until they came to me.
We told so many people and now already have had to deal with them looking at me aukwardly because they don't know what to say.I should never have told anyone,it's made it harder...although those I did tell for the most part have been amazing....am blessed to have them.
We have no embryos left,no chance of eggs and no donor.
I feel like I have let my husband down and denied my DD a brother or sister...and God she asks for one nearly every day.I am so very lucky to have them both and my DD thankfully means I have to pick myself up and get on with it. 5 year olds have no time for sitting!
My emotions range from being totally lost in space,to pure rage where I could just throw something accross the room and then to a sobbing mess feeling so sorry for myself.But I am sure you all know what this feels like,some so much more than others and I am truly so sorry that any of us have to go through this horrible sadness.

:hugs: to each and every one of you and I that we never have to experience this again.

Claire