Hi all. I'm new to BB.

I've been married for 3 1/2 years. Six months ago DH and I decided to start TTC. After only 3 months we conceived, but at 10 weeks I started to bleed. I went to the hospital for a u/s and my baby was only 7w5d in size and there was no heartbeat. I had a D&C on the 1st of August.

I surprised myself by how many positive (or not entirely negative) things I could find in this situation: We have more time just the two of us....At least we won't have a child with a deformity/disability (although if I hear the "it's nature's way speech one more time, I'll scream)....I wasn't 100% sure I wanted kids, so now I know....I won't be heavily pregnant during the summertime....I'll be able to drink at my cousin's wedding....etc. Anything to make me feel better.

But none of it makes me feel any better.

Now I'm just really confused. I don't know anyone among our friends or family who have been through this. I can't make up my mind whether or not to try again. I keep telling myself I need to give myself time, but its so hard to get out of bed in the morning. But I do get up, go to work and try to do the best I can (not easy when I spend a couple of days a week at a perinatal clinical trials centre). I feel lost...I don't know what I'm aiming/working for.

Then last night my DH (my darling, sweet, supportive husband) brings home the number for the employee assistance program at his work. Apparently they have a counselling service and his manager suggested we speak to someone. I don't really know why I'm so upset by that. Maybe guilt that I'm causing him worry...or shame that its so obvious I'm doing so badly that outsiders are suggesting we get help...or just so so tired of feeling like crap...

How do you mourn the loss of something the size of a paperclip?