Kate, what you say about Aiden's soul makes a lot of sense. A lot of women's just 'know' they are pregnant, before any tests or symptoms, and when I had my most recent m/c, I could just feel that my baby was gone. I think the emotional and spiritual connection between mother and child is very strong, even before birth. So go with it and enjoy that feeling of closeness and future hope.
I had a missed miscarriage of twin babies at 10.5 weeks (they grew to 9.5 weeks). It was my first pregnancy. I believe the bond between (most) mothers and babies is incredibly strong. I 'knew' I was pregnant before I took a HPT, which was 3-4 days before my period was due. All along I 'knew' I was having a boy. After I had a big bleed at just over 6 weeks, I found out I was having twins. I only ever thought they were twin boys - no other combination even entered my mind.
Sadly, tests after my D&C showed they were twin boys. I've taken a lot of comfort in knowing that. It's also funny that like so many of us here I too have real difficulties around pregnant women and also small babies, but only baby boys. Also, a lot of people kept telling me before I got the results that "it must have been for the better" etc etc meaning that they may have had a chromosome problem, however I just felt this wasn't the case. And that was also correct - the only thing my obs can say is that there was no apparent reason for the miscarriage.
Like you Kate, I truly believe their beautiful souls are still within me, and I'm just trying now to give them another chance, maybe this time one after the other instead of as twins. It's really the only thought that keeps me going most of the time.
your poem was so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye i am glad you are finding this site helps i think it is brilliant being able to talk to people about this as i dont no anyone who has being through these experiances my sister lost a baby but delt with it very well and never really spoke much about it but it is nice to be able to open up without feeling juged or looked upon. i like the idea of having a plant or tree its a nice idea i still have my babys ashes in the living room as i dont no what to do with them but i am happy that there are with me i am just unsure what to do my DH wanted to have a plant and put the ashes there but i want them so i can have her wherever i go if that makes sence anyway sorry to ramble on take care and give yourself time to grieve.
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