oh, Melanah's mommy, i am so sorry for the loss of your Rebekah Jane. i wish my tears could help ease your pain, but i know too well that nothing really helps. i too went to a scan and was told that my son, Yeti, had died. you are so new to your grief, still in a state of shock. it is, unfortunately, so normal to be a zombie and to be grieving for your child. in my experience, it takes a long time to come through this grief process. i felt for the first four months that i would never smile and never stop crying. i thought i was going crazy. i am still in pain, 8 months after losing our son, and still have horrible days. but some days are okay. we will never forget our precious children, but we will get through some of the most profound grief to be able to function again.

the best thing you can do is be good to yourself: take the time you need to feel whatever you are feeling. that sounds silly, but the feelings are overpowering, contradictory, and sometimes not part of our normal personality (guilt, jealousy, anger) and are difficult to accept. allow yourself to live through those feelings, and give yourself time to grieve. eventually you will have some "better" days. i hope you have a good support system of family and/or friends and perhaps a support group too. i have found much comfort here at bb, and from a nearby support group.

i am so glad you have hope to treat your condition, and that it may help your future possible pregnancies. big hugs to you, and i am sure little Rebekah is part of everything you do and has good company. my prayers go out to you. m