I'm so sorry you are feeling so heartbroken. Losing a baby is the most painful experience ever. My sister-in-law lost her baby boy at 32 weeks and it devestated her. When we lost our angel she sent me a book called Help Comfort and Hope by Hannah Lothrop which really helped me work through my feelings of loss, guilt and all the other crazy emotions that run madly through your head. Maybe it might help you too?