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Thread: I feel like my heart is breaking

  1. #1
    Melanah'sMommy Guest

    Default I feel like my heart is breaking

    My Dh and I have been married for 5 years. We had 1 miscarrige 2 years after we were married. 7 months later I found out I was pregnant again. This time I made it past the 14 week mark. I was so excited. I was thru the 1st trimester. My Gd test came back good. Blood pressure started to rise and before I knew it at 35 weeks and 1 day Melanah was born by emergency c-section. I had preeclampsia. She was 5lbs 1 oz. Tiny yet beautiful. My life was comoplete. To my surprise, when Melanah was 17 months old I had the feeling I had the two previous pregnancies. I knew I was pregnant. Oops. Not planned. This was my miracle. I had not been on birth control since Melanah was born. It just takes a while for us to conceive. Once again I made it thru the first 14 weeks. Sigh out relief. 16 weeks, 18 weeks, 20 weeks.....ect. I had my gd test anf this time it was border line on the 1 hour. I was 28 and 1/2 weeks. I was too go back the next week and have the 3 hour test. I never got to take the second test. On Sept 25,2007 I noticed my healthy baby girl had not moved all day. She was dancing with the stars the night before. I thought I was loosing my mind and just crazy. Everything was ok. I was just paranoid. The doctor told me to go to the labor and delievery dept of our hosptl. After 3 nurses and 2 dopplers the ultrasound dept was called in. My daughter Rebekah Jane had not heartbeat. I was devistated. It has now been 2 months since Rebekah passed. I feel like a zombie most of the time. Just kinda zoned out. I do not let Melanah see me upset. I dont want her to think mommy is hurt as she calls it. I think I would be ok if there weren't so many pregnant girls at my church. my sister in law is pregnant as well. I know God will carry me thru this. How long wiil the pain last? I just found out that I have thrombophillia And that has caused all of my preg compltns. I appreciate you all reading my miny book! To all who have lost before I understand what you are going thru. I will pray for you all!!! If you believe please pray for my strenght as well. I go the Vanderbuilt Hsptl 12/06/07 for the thrmbpla. I am seeing a ob specialist to see if we can have any more children!!1 I will keep you updated!


  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Dunedin New zealand
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    wow i fell so sad to hear what you have been through.It is so had ,just take one day at a time and dont be to hard on yourself.Sending you a big hug. we are all here for you.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    Milton Keynes ( England )
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    Oh honey

    i feel for you so much the pain you are going through is so hard and it does take time be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. its an awful thing to have to go through i lost my little girl 16 months ago now and i still find it difficult at times you always think why me why cant she be with me enjoying her life and why cant she be here for me to cuddle and to look after like a mum should i would love to see he first word or her starting to crawl and walk i just wish she was here with me now but she's not and it is so heartbreaking. i to was like you you feel like a zoombie and numb its totaly normal griefe is a long hard thing to go through i hope you have all the support at home and this site is fantastic for it we are all here for you on your good and bad days my heart goes out to you and i hope that the pain easies for you.

    Take care

    Munchy xxx

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    Your story has made me cry.
    I wish i believed in god, i think that would really make me get through this right now.
    my heart is breaking too - and yet i feel so selfish for eing so sad, knowing how many horrible things so many others have to go through.
    My partner brushes off our 2 m/c - like they dont even hurt. I hope you have lots of support xox

  5. #5

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    Melanah's mommy - i'm so so sorry for your loss its a very sad, awful thing for you to go thru... **hugs** you have come to the right place for support, help and guidance... we are all here to listen to you and support you thru this tough time.

    I can only try and imagine what you must be going through.... i have an angel, we lost our baby at very early stage of 4.2wks we had only known a few days we were even pregnant (i had so many symptoms) so it was very upsetting to find out. however we feel lucky also that my body told me in the early stages that it wasnt meant to happen.

    I am so sad reading your story and i hope you can find the support and help you need on bellybelly.

    :hugs: :hugs: be kind to yourself. you sound like such a lovely kind person who does not deserve this at all...

    By the way, your daughters name is really beautiful.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    adelaide
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    hi melanahs mommy, welcome to bb, sorry that it is under such saddening circumstances.
    Nothing I can say will ease your pain and grief, I am so sorry for the loss of little Rebekah.
    I can only imagine the hurt and heartbreak you and your family must be experiencing.
    The people on bb are a great support network, I dont know how I would have coped without them after my miscarriage.I hope you will come to find the same.
    sending you the biggest hugs and much love,
    bec
    xxx

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Colorado, USA
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    oh, Melanah's mommy, i am so sorry for the loss of your Rebekah Jane. i wish my tears could help ease your pain, but i know too well that nothing really helps. i too went to a scan and was told that my son, Yeti, had died. you are so new to your grief, still in a state of shock. it is, unfortunately, so normal to be a zombie and to be grieving for your child. in my experience, it takes a long time to come through this grief process. i felt for the first four months that i would never smile and never stop crying. i thought i was going crazy. i am still in pain, 8 months after losing our son, and still have horrible days. but some days are okay. we will never forget our precious children, but we will get through some of the most profound grief to be able to function again.

    the best thing you can do is be good to yourself: take the time you need to feel whatever you are feeling. that sounds silly, but the feelings are overpowering, contradictory, and sometimes not part of our normal personality (guilt, jealousy, anger) and are difficult to accept. allow yourself to live through those feelings, and give yourself time to grieve. eventually you will have some "better" days. i hope you have a good support system of family and/or friends and perhaps a support group too. i have found much comfort here at bb, and from a nearby support group.

    i am so glad you have hope to treat your condition, and that it may help your future possible pregnancies. big hugs to you, and i am sure little Rebekah is part of everything you do and has good company. my prayers go out to you. m

  8. #8

    Join Date
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    Melanah's Mommy let me add my condolences - I'm very sorry your precious Rebekah passed away. I hope you find the answers you're searching for, and I pray for strength and peace and hope for you and your family

  9. #9

    Join Date
    May 2007
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    Out of my mind.... back in 10 mins.
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    Hi Melanah's mommy
    So sorry to hear of your loss.
    I will keep that you can have another baby.
    I know how it feels to be told that you will not be able to have another baby.
    A Gyn wanted to give me a hysterectomy due to my ashermans syndrome but I got another oppinion and now know I can have my uterus mended so I can have another baby.
    I hope you can find someone who can help you with the thrombophillia.
    Take care
    Chris

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Newcastle, NSW
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    Melanah's mommy,
    My heart is breaking for you sweetheart. I am so very sorry and saddened to read about the loss of your precious little Rebekah Jane.
    The pain will be there forever, you just learn to adjust and get on with things... there will be times that the smallest thing will set you off into a frenzied crying session... but it is all normal... you need to grieve, for however long it takes. I still grieve for my Noah every single day... there is honestly not a day that goes by where I don't think about him... I like to think about him, up in heaven, watching over us, and feeling the love we have for him.
    I am sure your beautiful angel is up there watching over you too.
    Huge hugs to you
    Lisa

  11. #11
    Melanah'sMommy Guest

    Default Thank You All!!!!

    First I want to thank each and everyone of you for your kind words. It helps to know that I am not alone in my grief and that someone else has been down the path in life that I am going down. I get so much support at home from my wonderful husband and my family and our church family. Today is the 29th of Nov and my due date is less than 2 weeks away. I think I will be ok. Unfortunatly I have to work that day. Hopefully that will help the day pass faster.

    Rebekah headstone was placed a coupe of days ago. It is so beautiful. We do not hae the internet at home so it might be a few days before I get to write. I will let you all know how my appt goes next week.

    Again thank you all so much for thre warm welcome!!!

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    Melbourne
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    I'm so sorry you are feeling so heartbroken. Losing a baby is the most painful experience ever. My sister-in-law lost her baby boy at 32 weeks and it devestated her. When we lost our angel she sent me a book called Help Comfort and Hope by Hannah Lothrop which really helped me work through my feelings of loss, guilt and all the other crazy emotions that run madly through your head. Maybe it might help you too?

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