Naomi I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find some answers as to why you lost your precious little girl.
When something like this happens to us, we go into shock, we try to deal with the heartbreak and devastation that surrounds us. Don't be too hard on yourself for not crying and don't worry about what others think. I remember when we found out that we had lost Cooper and my initial reaction was just to scream and cry because I didn't believe it could happen. When we finally had to ring our families and tell them it was like watching someone else make the phone calls. I was in shock and I wasn't crying when I made the calls. I can't remember what I said, I just remember not crying. Even when we were in the delivery suite giving birth to Cooper it still felt like it was someone else. When Cooper was born, I didn't cry initially because I was holding my son, my precious beautiful perfect son. It was only when he was taken away that I knew that I would never see him again that the tears started and since that I day I haven't been able to stop crying. I still cry every single day now although I can now think of my boy and smile.
It is so natural to feel numb because you have so many emotions that you just don't know which one to feel. I believe that we can remove ourselves from our body because sometimes the pain is just so unbearable. You just need to grieve for your little girl, scream if you need to, cry if you want to, just do whatever you need to do to get through the days.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful site with us. It is just heartbreaking and against nature to bury your own children. I remember when my DH carried Cooper's little coffin into the chapel - it just broke my heart..............it was so little and I couldn't believe I had to say goodbye. My heart goes out to you at the pain that you would have felt that day as I'm sure every mother and father of an angel baby do.
It is so hard to see pg women and all of sudden there seems to be so many and so many babies. Although I am now pg again I still find it hard to see pg women, I don't know why that is but it is just hard. I can't see babies. It is just so painful. The last baby I saw was mine and the next baby I will see will be mine.
Just know that it does get easier to get out of bed each day and it does get easier to move forward. Moving forward will not be about forgetting Oceana but about remembering her and honouring her memory. You will never forget, because how can you, she is your precious daughter.
Thinking of you and your DH and of course little Oceana. I hope Oceana and Cooper are playing together peacefully amongst the stars.
Take care
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I think im going crazy!!
For the past two weeks ive been up until 2-3am each day and have to get up to the kids in the morning. I feel really bad during the day cause i get no sleep. Even when i do get to sleep i have the weirdest dreams, which cause me to have bad sleep. I keep getting these anxiety attacks and find it hard to calm down. Im never like that normally. I just lose my cool easily these days and it doesnt take much for me to be pushed over the edge. Also one of my work collegues blasted me at work the other day and i started crying and i found it so hard to control my tears. Usually im like well thats your problem but that day i took it really personally. I feel like im going nuts. At uni last week i was standing at the glass panelling thinking it was the door for 5min and then it clicked that it wasnt the door at all, it was so embarrasing. I just cant think straight anymore. What can i do to feel better??
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