Mimi,
You really sound like a strong lady. And believe me, the question of 'WHY ME?????' was asked a million times. I know I didn't deserve to lose my baby. I'm not a bad person, and neither are you. We didn't do anything wrong either.
I've come to accept that I am not the only woman that this happened to. There are thousands and thousands of women who have suffered such a terrible loss. I also think that maybe I was learning from my loss, and I have learned a lot of things. I don't think I truly appreciated my pregancy, as I was constantly thinking something was going to go wrong. Next time, I will embrace it with all my heart, and even though it's always in the hands of God, I will enjoy and appreciate every second of it.
I also think that I had a lot of pressure from my mum to have a baby as she doesn't have any grandkids yet. This time, I will have a baby for myself and not for anyone else. So there are a lot of lessons I have learned through my loss.
I also believe we are very special women, as like you've said, once we've had a loss, we appreciate life so much more and our bubs.
So I love your attitude, as I have no doubt you will achieve your dream one day. You will always have your first born son in your heart, he is always with you wherever you go. He just has beautiful angel wings.

B xxxxxxxx