It's so unfair!

[ferret]

Basically, this is all I keep thinking "it is so unfair". I just lost my baby 2 weeks ago (6w preg) and I am just finding it so hard.
What has stirred the pot for me though, a girl at work has just announced her pregnancy and is asking me all the time for pregnancy advise (I guess because I have a little boy). I can't handle it; I don't get why she gets her baby - she smokes and parties and I just keep thinking it is so unfair.
This is my first post so I'm sorry it's so whiney..I guess I just need to vent to people who "get it".

[Leemar]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[MistyFying]

ferret I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you'll find the support and hope you need here in the BB community

[~Aveta~]

we do get it, don't be concerned that you sound sad and at auch a loss...i felt/still do feel exactly the same way. especially when i see women with four or five in tow and still smoking and drinking...

maybe you could tell this girl that you just don't have the heart to talk baby talk right now? she sounds a bit insensitive to your loss...

[Mel A]

Hi Ferret,
This is the place. Vent away. It is strange, I tend to be happy for friends and the girls and guy's on BB. But, send someone at work or or in the gereral population my way and GRRRRR
Why is it that these people who don't seem to care can pop out a couple of kids at their lesure and we have to go through heart ache, charting, testing everything.

Big hugs for you , my heart is with you for your journey.

Mel

[bellsbaby]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby.

I would like to pass this email that I got from a very special person to me (whom is a very experienced midwife) I cried and cried when I recieved it but found truth in all that she was saying! and although I have had my angry days and do think why me I am a good person I never forget what she has said to me. I hope it may help you with yourhard times and to get you over the hurdel of having to deal with others pregnancies.

Email
It will be of no consequence to say to you that although this little one was with you for such a short time, you will never forget him or her.

You have done nothing wrong, in fact you are a very special person and only special people are ever chosen for these experiences. Luck or fate plays no part in this type of life event.

You now have an amazing gift to share, because you will have enormous empathizing power when you meet women who have trod the same path as yourself. Believe me, there are many of us on this path. And each story will serve as a pin-***** of pain, because you will never, ever forget. However, you can turn it into a positive thing and use this little one?s light to help guide your way.


I hope her words help you as they did me

Bells Baby

M/C 14/2/08 Billy my little valentine

[ferret]

Thank you all so much for your support. It means a lot that there are people who understand. Your email Bellsbaby, was just what I needed to read. Thank you.

I spoke to her, told her that while I am very happy for her, it hurts right now to hear her details. She seemed ok with that and then came back two/three hours later with yet more questions about what to expect and hospitals etc. I swear - you can't make this stuff up! I haven't seen her today - TG!

But thank you all once again for your support.

[BekZ]

Firstly sorry for your loss and secondly good on you for being upfront with your work collegue. Unfortunately ppl who have never experienced a loss just don't get it. I know I was one of them when pg with DD1. All the best.

[tempus moriendi]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this, then having a coworker with her constant questions just feels like salt in the wound. Sending cyberhug and keeping you in my prayers.

[chris]

I am sorry to hear your sad news. Plus that co-worker needs to be told off to get her to understand.
She is soooo out of line, how insensitive.
Try and be straight with her. Something like " I miscarried not long ago and I don't want to talk about babies at the moment if you have any questions ask someone else.
Give her some web addresses that could help her.
Take care
Chris

[munchy]

Hi ferret

i am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little bub it is so hard and life is unfair at times i feel the same as you i see people who smoke when pregnant and party and even drink and it drives me crazy i think why cant i have a healthy baby i no i would give it the best life ever and look after myself while pregnant its just unfair i just lost my secound baby almost 2 weeks ago and was devestated still am as i lost my little girl before that pregnancy at 23 weeks and thought well surely nothing will go wrong this time but it did. i am going back to work monday and feeling really anxious about it luckly no one is pregnant that i no of i think that girl at your work needs to shut her trap ah expecially after you already saying that you dont want her to ask you she should respect that and good on you for saying something i dont think i could be as brave. take care honey and whenever you need to vent this is def the place to come.

bellsbaby
that email was beautiful made me cry its words like that that really help at sad times like this thanks for sharing it.

Munchy xxx

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It just doesn't make sense how the most wonderful, caring, loving people who so badly want to be parents can't have children, but people who do awful things like smoke and drink when pregnant are able to have children. It's just not fair. I agree with everyone, nothing makes me more infuriated than seeing pregnant women smoke, or parents smoking while pushing prams and strollers. Grrr indeed!

Does your co-worker know that you recently had a miscarriage?

[tina_k]

hi ferret,

firstly, im so sorry for your loss. i had a mc 2 months ago and am still struggling..
i understand how you feel, others can be sooo insensitive. Im not sure if your colleague knew about your mc or not..by SIL knew about mine, and 2 days after my D&C announced she was pg and wants me to be happy for her. i just cant do it, i just think it was so hurtful to see me still crying over the death of my little one, and tell me in front of the whole family that she was expecting.
im sorry to have ranted , but i guess what im trying to say is that i understand and im sorry....