Thanks all for your quick replies, I was really seething for a while there. (Actually I still am).
Bekyj: You are right, I am allowed to be sensitive with things that have happened to me in my life - I think I forget I have the right to that!
Mel 1977: I can't imagine how you got through listening to that stupid *&%^ girl saying those things to you, what an idiot. The worst thing about the SIL is she started crying when she found out she upset me so everyone felt sorry for her, that I upset her. Geez I'm sorry. You are right I, some people just have no idea, but it is hard to have to put up with their comments.
Briggsys girl: Yep i reckon having that image of the baby that fitted into the palm of the hand, when I was totally unprepared for it was what upset me the most, not to mention his insinuation that "the hand of god" saved that baby...well what about our babies that didn't make it???grrrr makes me a bit angry!!

Just like to say that it is so nice to hear from others who (unfortunately) been through this kind of thing, nice to know there are people who understand what it's like....

and I think hubby will get a little talking to, but I feel a bit sorry for him, he can't help what comes out of his family's mouths and they always seem to be upsetting me!!