probably best to steer away if you can. yeah, the festering part is probably not healthy, but i do it all the time. a couple of months ago someone made a comment that made me remember that i was an awkward clod with their grief -- which was before i had lived through some of my own. now i try to hang onto that remembrance to give more grace to the folks who haven't lived through this and have no idea what to say or do or not say or not do. honestly, i don't think i live up to that goal of grace very often and more typically slip into fester mode, but it is a good goal anyway! good luck, my dear.