just trying to cope

[cindee]

this year seems to be after me.. i don't understand why i lost two gorgeous little boys in the same year life is so cruel.. i try to get on with things but all i see is pregnant belly's and newborns around the place i really don't want to go anywhere unless i think nobody going to give me the LOOK.... its so degrading. it upsets me.

[klee]

cindee - i am so sorry for your losses, no women should go through this once let alone twice, my heart bleeds for you. not that it would help any, but have they given you any reasons for your losses? i know what you mean about the looks, i sometimes feel my friends look at me like i have a disability, because i can't birth a live baby, just know some are ignorant to what you are going through, and some of those ladies also might have been trhough what you have. I guess just do what you need to get through each day, no feeling is right or wrong, just take all the time you need. my thoughts are with you.

[bettyboop]

I just want to say i am so sad to here of you losses of your little sons,send you a big hug . We are all here for you.

[Mel1977]

Cindee - I am so sorry to hear about your 2 angels. As Klee said, no one should have to go through this once let alone twice Life can be so cruel and I spend day after day wracking my brain to figure out why and the answer I keep coming up with is that no answer is good enough anyway.

I also know the "look" and have received it soooo many times since we lost our son. I really do believe it is because people are so scared that they will upset us, but they need to know we are upset all the time anyway and treating us like we are different just makes us more upset. Have you looked into any support groups in your area? I found it quite helpful to be involved with Sids and Kids who run regular meetings to support bereaved parents. If you look at their website (dont think I can post it, but google it) you will be able to find out if there is somewhere in your state. But also, I have found BB extremely helpful and being able to communicate with women who have experienced what I have makes me feel less "different".

Big :hugs: to you, we are here for you if you need anything.

[STARRYSKY]

cindee, I am so sorry for the loss of your two angels.
sending you big hugs, I hope you will receive all the support you need at this difficult time.
biggest of hugs
xxx

[mj-mummy]

Hi Cindee,

Life is just so heartbreaking sometimes, I can't begin to imagine what you have gone through. I wish there was a way to ease your pain, all I can do is send you a big hug and just know that I'm thinking of you.

I too hate the looks, I might be paranoid but I am sure some people think that they are better than you or just deserve it more, the fact that they get pregnant easily, or haven't miscarried, or that you must have done something for this to happen.

I also find it hard when people who know what has happened never even ask HOW ARE YOU? They can ramble on about their pregnancy and not think what effect they are having. Sorry this is my stuff and I am rambling.

Try to keep yourself the #1 priority, and allow yourself to grieve and cry for as long as it takes, and don't let go of your dreams.

xox

[onemore]

Cindee, so so sorry for your losses.
I know what you mean about all the pregnant women, I lost my little one last week and the day I came out of hospital I think I saw a dozen pregnant women, whats worse is while waiting for theatre they wheel me in beside a lady that just had a c-section, she was asking me if I had been in or was I waiting, thankfully she did`nt ask me what I was going in for. Just does`nt seem fair.
Sending hugs to you and just take all the time you need

[Lynn]

Cindee I am so sorry for your losses I didn't go out for a very long time after we lost Cooper because like you all I saw was newborns and pg women. You just need to do what is right for you in your own time. I totally understand the 'LOOK'. Unless you have been through the loss of a baby you can't try to imagine or understand what the pain is like. Most people think that by ignoring your loss it will be easier for you...........nothing is easier. I tell people that I would rather cry because they want to talk about Cooper rather than make me cry because they have ignored him.

Take care of yourself, and take the time to grieve - it is a long, slow road

[jo76]

cindee -
I am too am so truely sorry you are going through this and have had to deal with the loss of two babies. I am there in not understanding why it happens and i am dreading the looks, I have'nt seen anyone yet except one friend in this last week (and she cried with me) so I have'nt had to face anyone yet but i work in fashion retail and I am finding it hard to imagine going back the week before christmas being "happy" for all our regular customers who know i was pregnant the last time they saw me. and then there are the girls i work with (who are wonderful but will be all about the looks as they won't know what to say)Please take the advice of another poster here, look after you. Someone i hardly know said that to me on monday and i have thought about it ever since eventhough i am not sure what i could do to make this happen just yet for me. Try not to absorb any negativity from people as you do not deserve that and you don't need any of your memories to be associated with those thoughts.i have'nt had this yet either but my Husband has warned that it may happen with a member of his family. (i'm worried i will have an outburst of protective anger as they will be talking about me and my baby!) Remember your babies for the beautiful babies they are and be sad, we are all allowed this...i am just beginning to follow this myself. take care of you! xo

[Auntie M]

Cindee- i am so sorry for both your precious losses. i wish my tears could heal your pain, but i know only too well that they cannot. it isn't fair, not at all. you have so much grief to bear. keep on doing what you need to do for you -- it is all you can do at this point.

the look, well, yes, it is a painful addition to grief. i call it the "head tilt" because that is how everyone seems to apply the look here - with their damn heads at a 75 degree angle. sometimes i feel like applying my hand in a forceful manner to adjust their heads back to the upright position. i sometimes try to remember how horribly clumsy i was around grief before i lost Yeti, and then i try to give those people the benefit of the doubt that they just don't understand and hopefully never will. but sometimes i just want to slap them. depends on the day.

i hope you find the support you need, from friends, family, a local support group and/or bb. all of those have helped me plow through some of the darkest days in my life. big hugs to you, xxoom

[cindee]

been away for a while looks like there are some lucky peple on here, congratulations to all hope everything goes well. we have started trying again not in a rush thiugh i have to get through my 2nd angels 1st birthday soon.
i like seeing that things are going well through.. congrats again

[NaeNae]

Cindee,

I just came across your thread now and was wondering how you were getting on. We have just lost our little girl and I struggle so much with each day.

I just wanted to wish you all the very best and will keep my everything crossed that you will have a successful pregnancy when it comes time for you.

Love and best wishes

Nae x