Loving my two boys but only holding one

[aussienic]

I have no words. just wanted to offer you a hug

[Rach75]

just wanted to offer some :hugs:

[Mel1977]

Oh Lynn - big :hugs: for you mate. Of course you are happy with Ethan and totally in love with him, but that doesnt change how you feel about Cooper - and to be perfectly honest anyone who expects that you will miss him less now because Ethan is here is just not worth worrying about. You are a mother of 2 boys, you love each no less whether they are here on earth or up there in the stars. That is something people seem to not be able to understand, just because they are not here we must not love them as much as they love their own children... well anyone who has lost a baby knows that is utter bulls***!

I wish I could say something to help you or make you feel just a tiny bit better, but unforunately I am not where you are yet. I do think on a daily basis what will it be like if Fudge comes home and to be honest I cant even imagine it. I know it will make me miss Nicholas even more and what you said about watching them sleep, I have thought a hundred times. That is the only way we saw our boys, and for Ethan to look so much like Cooper must be heartbreaking. Ethan is an absolute blessing, but I am sure he reminds you so much of the things you should have been able to experience with Cooper. And you are right, all you have ever wanted is to hear Cooper cry but that doesnt make it easy listening to Ethan cry when you are sleep deprived and emotional - you are only human afterall

I think this is the way life is after having lost a baby, the only thing I can hope is that our senses dull a little and we can learn to live life as happily as possible. Just dont let anyone tell you that you should be ok, or you should miss or love Cooper less now just because you have Ethan. And for those people who do make you feel that way I would ask them, if one of your children was taken from you would you love them less if you had another baby? Would that baby be able to replace your first born? Would that baby take away the hurt and unfairness of it all? Would it take away the memories, both good and bad? I think the answer would most definitely be NEVER!

I know I cant say too much to help, but I can tell you that not one of your friends here thinks that way and I think you have done an amazing job of being a mother for the last 2 and a bit years... and dont ever forget, being a mother to an angel baby is the hardest thing you will ever have to do and you are doing it with dignity and courage.

If you need to chat, I am here for you :hugs:

[briggsy's girl]

Lynn - Mel has said pretty much everything i was thinking - and so beautifully at that!

anyone that thinks Ethan has replaced Cooper and that you should be grateful and just get in with life - well, they're heartless and don't have a clue of what you've been through. i haven't been there, and can only imagine how you're feeling - but i would never expect you to feel less of the love and emotion you have for Cooper now that Ethan is here - they're individuals and your love for each of them is unique and precious.

don't be angry with yourself for being human! every new mum is tired and emotional, and wants for their baby to be settled and happy - and hearing them cry is heart wrenching (and frustrating) - that doesn't change because you've wanted every day to have heard Coopers cries. your journey to holding Ethan in your arms has been long and traumatic - but he's still a newborn baby and you have the same trials as any new mum! of course you are happy to have Ethan at home with you - but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel the same frustrations as any other new mum! people have to accept and embrace that. you will never forget Cooper. you will never love him, or grieve his loss, any less simply because you have Ethan. you are his mummy and people (whoever they may be) need to accept and support that.

i wish i could offer you a way to put your heart at peace, but i don't have the power to do that - only time, and your own healing, will do that for you - and it WILL take time. my heart goes out to you hunny

:hugs:

BG

[Rowie]

Oh Lynn, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult emotional time at the moment. Remember your emotions are high at the moment, your hormones are racing and you are sleep deprived.
You did not have Ethan to replace Cooper, Cooper is your son too. You love him just as much as Ethan so please don't be too hard on yourself. You will always miss Cooper and I think you are always going to have moments where you see Cooper in Ethan and miss him more. It's not about getting on with life, it is about dealing with the cards we have been dealt and coping as best we can.
You are an amazing woman, admired by many here for the way you are coping and have coped over the last 2 and a half years. You are a wonderful mother who is doing the best that she can in a very difficult situation.
You are a true inspiration to me and I thank you for being here to help me through my tough times and to the many others that hear you.
take care of you and I am always here if you need me.