I have been reading the forums about MC and loss as I too have just gone through it. We had our first cycle of IVF in July and much to my surprise, I got pregnant. I had to see my FS for a scan last week and while there was a heartbeat, it embryo was small and the scan put me exactly a week behind where I should have been which was 7 weeks. He prepared me that this could mean the pregnancy may not be viable but "while there was a heartbeat, there was hope". I had to go back a week later which was Wednesday and I could clearly see there was no heartbeat. I had not started bleeding and did not want to wait for my body to MC so I opted for a D & C which I had that evening. I was 8 weeks to the day. I now feel like I am in limbo. We have 2 frozen embryos stored and the FS told me we could have an implant as soon as I was emotionally ready (after my next AF). He reckons my body did all the right things and could obviously carry a pregnancy but the embryo wasn't viable. We will have tests done on it to see if it was a genetic problem but I am scared that my other embryos will be the same.
Sadly a natural pregnancy is almost impossible due to scared fallopian tubes from endemetrosis. So I am pinning my hopes on IVF.
It has hit me hardest today.....
Penny, I'm in a very similar situation to you... our first embryo transfer worked, and a scan at 6 weeks and 5 days showed a heartbeat... two weeks later, after some bleeding, we went in for another scan - the heartbreak of that empty screen is devestating and something that I think will stick with me forever. My FS wouldn't run tests, but believes it was just a random chromosomal problem that meant that embryo would never make it. He said there's no reason to believe that any of our three remaining embryos would have the same problem. We consulted with another FS to actually get some tests done, and he also said that if it was a random chromosome problem, there's no reason to believe the other embryos would have the same problem.
My miscarriage was in July - It was really rough at first, but things slowly got better in time. Bad days still happen (I'm having one today, in fact), but they do become less frequent. I do believe that waiting until you are emotionally ready is necessary - don't rush yourself. Much better to wait a bit longer and be sure you are ready than face it too soon and leave yourself in a much worse emotional state because of it. We're looking at starting again within the next few weeks, and the break (and some councelling) has done me a lot of good.
I wish you luck when you do decide to start again, and know that there are many women here who share your pain, and know what it's like to lose a much longed for and loved baby.
Thanks everyone for your messages of support - they are greatly appreciated. I find these forums so helpful in getting my mind around things and while MC and loss is horrible sometimes all you want to do is talk to someone who has gone through it (and come out the other side). I have a great support system around me but on Friday I just felt so very alone - which is when I posted the message. Thanks again. I am taking one day at a time and will see how I feel before we take the next step.
I am so sad to hear of your loss, I have been there done that (got the T-shirt), but had no-one to talk to you really understood. People said to me all sorts of unhelpful cliche type things - but had no idea my baby was an IVF - not to take away from a MC from a naturally concieved pregnacy, but with this method everything is so precise, the Dr knows how thick your uterous is, what day to implant the egg etc - but when the MC occurs they shrug and say "i don't know". It's so frustrating!!
BTW - our little princess had chromosomal tests done and there was nothing wrong with her- which made the loss even harder to deal with as I really wanted something solid t pin my misery on, instead I flounded around thinking I was being punished, or it was my fault - an unhealthy trait I lean towards (a whole 'nother story). Also my FS thought it would be best to be PG again by the time the babys due date was - a stupid, stupid move, as I spent the whole PG worrying.
Anyway - sorry to blab - but I really can empathise with you, and I know how hard it is to come to grips with a MC - especially one thats IVF. Please take care of your self, grieve, cry, rage or do whatever you need to to acknowledge your pain, there are no prizes for being stoic or ignoring it!
I wish you well for the future. Oie
Penny
Sorry to hear of the loss of your angel. You will know when you ready TTC again and i think this is something no one else can tell you when to do it. I wish you all the best on you nest transfer. Sending you big hugs.
Sadly, I too understand your loss. I also got pregnant thru IVF with twins. I lost one at 4 weeks and went for my 12 week scan and twin 2 had no heartbeat. I was devastated.
The pain does get easier but still remains with me.
Make sure you do grieve for your loss. Don't move on like nothing happened. You need to let it out. I didn't really have an outlet, I hope you do. If not, please make sure you spill how your feel on the forum. People understand and 'do get it'. Sadly, so many of us have been there and I truly believe nobody understands how it feels unless you have walked in those shoes.
Work thru your grief, I'll be thinking of you. IVF is a tough experience. It's great you have some frozen embies...go for it...'when you're ready...'
MC and IVF
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks