My first loss

[dory]

Mummylion - pity about Dh being away so much but good to here that things are much easier for you at work and there are some understanding women there.

Grief is such a hard and demanding journey. The intense pain will ease, but the time frame differs for each of us. I actually can't really feel the intense pain anymore. Sometimes I miss it, mostly because it means I was much closer to my babies in time and also because the intense grief feels like a very real connection between myself and each of them. But I have found different ways to feel connected to them, and being away from the intense grief does allow other parts of life in. The intense grief is all consuming and so draining, leaving little room for anything else.

You will find your way through, and in time, you'll just notice that the pain has changed. So far for me, there is an enduring sadness that is never really that far away, but more of "life" gets in now so it's not always at the forefront. But there are those unexpected moments when the sadness emerges, which seem so left field.

It seems from talking to other women, that's ow it is for most of us. Almost an unguarded moment, and the sadness rushes in. It can be confronting, but once I got more used to it, it's ok. I just accept it as part of the journey.

It will change and be different, and I hope that even with DH away there is still some time for some sneaky BD'ing for you both. Maybe send DS away for the weekend to his friends or relatives and go on a trip with DH in the lorry? How racy! I suppose it depends on how long his trips away are.

Pity you had a horrendous AF, it can take our bodies a while to settle down again. If things aren't settled by next cycle, personally I would want to check them out. Hope there's no need and you have a sneaky bfp by then.