My sad news

[Lynn]

Katie, I guess all obs are different but I did see mine monthly, then fortnightly and then weekly at the end. My ob uses a doppler to hear the heartbeat. I know you are trying to find answers and that is exactly what I did and I'm sure everyone woman that has lost a baby has done the same thing, but there is nothing you could have done to help your bubba. It takes a while to realise that and for many many months (and sometimes I still do) I blame myself for the loss of Cooper. I heard his heartbeat a week before we had the u/s when they couldn't find his heartbeat. I was angry at first that no-one saved Cooper but no-one knew that there was a problem.

When you are ready to TTC again, you need to make the decision of whether you will go back to your ob. At first I didn't want to because I wanted it to be completely different and I didn't think that I could walk back into his rooms. But then DH said if I change I have to explain what happened and then get them to agree to all the testing that I want. In the end I am seeing my ob that I saw with Cooper and he is just wonderful. At times when I think I am being a 'crazy woman' he is so supportive and caring and he sees me whenever I need to, I have his mobile and home number.

You need to make sure that you are comfortable with your carers and I wish you all the best with this. Take care, big hugs

[Katiegirl]

Thanks everyone. And please do not worry. My questions are mainly so I know what is standard so I can ask my Ob that I want more regular visits. I will definitely ask for monthly. It has always been in my nature to have to ask questions and need answers. I am making a list anytime i think of something that I will raise with my Ob when we have our follow up appointment. Also my mother had asked because she and my sister were worried after I had told them that i had a 2 month gap between Ob visits.

I know that there is nothing that anyone could have done, neither myself, or the health care providers. I had an emergency scan at 14 weeks and all looked good - the baby was even the correct size for that time, so it all happened about a week later. I know I just called my Ob before with a question and he has been lovely. In fact my recovery from the D&C has been good - with minimal bleeding or cramping.

Today has been quite good - I am enjoying having both my DH and mum around.

Thanks to all of you - I hope one day I can comfort someone in the same way you have all comforted me. Have to go - some more flowers have arrived. People have been so kind. Take care.

[kahmanya]

I am so Sorry Katie!!

May God be with you and your family.

Lots of hugs!

[Anthonysmom]

Katie - I too recently lost my angel after going for my 20 week check-up. We did not know anything was wrong and were just hoping to find out the sex (we had a boy) One of the worst things for me was seeing my body going back to prepregnancy. It had been the only time in my life that I was excited to gain weight. There are a lot of ups and downs. One day you will feel like you are healing and the next you are the pits again. This is a great place for support. And I love your idea of donating to charity in Nathaniel's name

Barbara

[Katiegirl]

Hi Anthonysmum. I understand your feelings about your body going back to pre-pregnancy and how upsetting this is. I am struggling with the jelly belly at present and just wish it would disappear. I also felt okay with my body whilst I was pregnant, and this is certainly not something that was usual! After spending years being unhappy with my weight, it was a relief to feel comfortable with my pregnant body.

Today has been a very hard day for me. It started late last night and has continued all day. I have been upset and angry all at the one time. I am angry that I have to accept that my life is returning to how things were before the baby. I am angry that I have to accept that instead of quitting my job in February, that I have to return and continue on and also pick up all the responsibilities that I thought I would not have to worry about anymore. I wish I had something to take my mind of the grief, but everything around me reminds me of what is now missing.

We have organised for Nathaniel to be cremated on Friday at 3pm - and the ashes will be delivered to us on Tuesday evening. We are going back to Brisbane on Friday as this was a long standing arrangement. We are meant to be attending a wedding on Saturday for a close friend, but we have realised today that the pain is still too raw and have decided not to attend. We are still going to Brisbane as it will be good to be surrounded by my family. We are also having our family priest dedicate a mass for us on Sat. My mum wants me to talk to him about how I am feeling. Not sure if I ready to tell him how angry I am with God.

Sorry for this ramble. It feels good to be able to release these feelings.

[Auntie M]

Katiegirl, so sorry you are having a rough day. unfortunately, there are so many of those. you are right to be angry, and more so to let it out. i have been known to smash glass and punch things when i get in those moods. i wish i had something to take your mind off the grief, and mine too, but i haven't found any magic yet. just let it out, and don't be sorry for how you feel. if your priest can't understand why you are angry, then perhaps he shouldn't be a priest. there is a great book by a rabbi called "why bad things happen to good people" and it should be how all religious folks respond. i hope your priest does too. sounds like you have some plans for Nathaniel's cremation, which is a big step. big hugs to you for friday -- such an important and painful day. i think of Yeti's service often -- it is a link to our children, no matter how painful. once again, i wish i had better words for you, but a big hug is all i can manage. xxoom

[tempus moriendi]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm keeping you in my prayers.
A D&C isn't too bad (physically). They put you to sleep and you don't feel anything.
As to your question about the remains I don't know how it's done in Australia, but ask them at the hospital.
Sending a great big cyber hug.