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Thread: My sad news

  1. #1

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    Default My sad news

    We have just been for our 20 week scan and found the awful news that we lost our baby around the 15 week mark. We are heartbroken and so confused at the moment. I did not think I would find myself posting here, especially as we had a slight bleed at 14 weeks and had an u/s to be reassured all was okay.

    I am booked in for a D&C on Wednesday, but wanted to know if we are able to ask for the babies remains so is nothing left after this procedure? My sister also lost 2 angel babies, one at 17 weeks and 1 at 15 weeks - but she gave birth to both and was able to bury them. As this is my first pregnancy I think I would find going into labour too traumatic - but also want to know what to expect from the D&C - and if we are able to take the remains?

    Any advice would be of great comfort. Thanks


  2. #2

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    I am so sorry you are have to go through the loss of your little one. IS really good to cry and let your fellings out. Sending you both a big hug.We are all here for you.

  3. #3

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    I am so so so sorry for your huge loss, i don't know what to say :hugs: :hugs:

  4. #4
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    feeb is offline Thankful for the kindness of my 2012 RAK making me Life member

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    Oh katiegirl so sorry to read of your loss
    Huge hugs to you and your DH.

    Take time to greive as you feel fit cry as much as you need to.
    Do you have a supportive family to talk to?

    Feel free to ask any questions here.

    xoxox

  5. #5

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    Awww Kate, Huni, I am so very sorry for the loss of your bubba. Hun I wish I was able to help you with your answers, but I know the lovely ladies on BB will be able to help you through your questions at this traumatic time.

    All the Dennis crew are here for you as well hun, if and whenever you feel up to keeping in touch.

    Massive, massive hugs to you my sweet.......

  6. #6

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    Hi Katie, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little one. Will be thinking of you and praying for you both over this terribly sad time.

  7. #7

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    Katie, I am very sorry for your loss.
    When I had my m/c at 19wks, I also had to give birth. It is very traumatic, but you can have your baby's remains to bury. I don't know if they would give you your baby after a d&c.
    Take care of your self, big hugs. :hugs:

  8. #8

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    Hi - I just wanted to thank you for your kind words and understanding. I think I will call the Obs tomorrow about the baby - but I have a feeling that with a D&C I won't be able to bury the baby. We definitely want to find out the sex of the baby - as we plan to give our angel baby a name.

    Our families are being wonderful and supportive, but are also very upset as well. We feel blessed to have so many supportive people around us offering love and compassion.

  9. #9

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    Katie, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I really hope you can keep your little one's remains, and I think naming him or her is a beautiful thing to do.

  10. #10

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    Katie

    i am so sorry to hear of your loss it is so heartbreaking what you are going through right now i went to my 21 wk scan to find out my baby had alot of problems which ment i had to terminate and i gave birth to her at 23 wks it was very trumatic but i did get to have a funeral i had her cremated and she is in my living room watching over us i get great comfort from this. i think you should ask if you can have her remains with you i am pretty sure they would let you but i cant say for sure i really hope you get to do what you want. i feel for you and your family so much its great you have the support never hold back the tears just let them flow sending big to you honey take care of yourself.

    Munchy xxx

  11. #11

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    Sorry for your loss.Take time for yourself.

    I've known people who after an early m/c and d&c have taken the remains and buried them. Make it very clear to the Ob what YOU want to happen to your little angel. Ask if it is possible to do the d&c under an epi, just a suggestion, if you would like to be awake and hold your precious one. They can't refuse you if you want to see and hold your bub. @ 20 weeks you are legally able to bury or cremate. If you want to, ask to speak to the social worker at the hospital the one I spoke to when I lost my DS was incredible. She organised alot for us and was a valuable liason with the staff on the ward as to how we wanted DS to be handled after I was discharged.

    Feel free to pm if you have any other questions.

  12. #12

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    I'm so sorry Katie. A GF had a D&C at 19 weeks under general anaesthetic but she was allowed to keep her little man with her for quite a few hours when she woke, and after the normal testing procedures they need to do, she was given back his body for burial. Another friend in the same position could not so I think a lot of it has to do with the particular hospital. Speak to your OB and stress how important it is to him that you and your DH are given your angel.

  13. #13

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    We lost a baby at 19 weeks and I had to give birth. We held him for an hour or so then I needed a D&C to remove the placenta. We were told we could have his ashes which we have kept with other baby things we had for him. I would be asking the ob and any nurses dealing with you.

    Big hugs.

  14. #14

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    Thanks everyone. I am going to call my Ob tomorrow to ask all my questions. As the baby was probably only around 15 weeks they have told me that they can only do tests on the tissue, not the anatomy because it is too young. I am scared that seeing my baby might be too much for me - especially as it was so young. I desperately want to remember my baby - but at the same time I don't want to scare myself so much that it will make it hard for me to try again. Does this make sense?

  15. #15

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    Sorry - post came up twice - and don't know how to delete

  16. #16

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    I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can get some answers that will help you decide the best decision for you. Take care

  17. #17

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    Katie

    hope this doesnt upset just wanted to let you know my experiance and what i was told i had to have a needle to stop my babies heart and that was 3 days before i gave birth to her and when she was born she was beautiful to look at now this sounds like a bit to much information but cos she had been alseep inside me for 3 days her body stated to fill up with fluid and her body had started to decompose but not badly dont want it to sound horrible has your baby been sleeping since the 15 wk mark cos it might be best that you dont see your angel if so i would ask your doc that your are seeing and see what they say i really hope i havent upset anyone as it is quite a personal thing i have told i dont want to scare you i think whatever you feel is the right thing to do then do it everyone is different take care honey thinking of you.

    Munchy xxx

  18. #18

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    i hope all goes well for you and i wanted to say how sorry i am that you are going through this esp as something quite similar has just happened to me and I can directly relate.
    As more questions about the d+c and how your baby will be after this procedure. Although I had the same choices but chose to give birth, i had amazing midwives who said they were not going to show me my baby until they had seen themselves and therefore explained the body state to me to prepare me for it. My baby died a little earlier and had become floppy but was still ok for me to view. (i'm sorry if this will become distressing for you) Regardless, my baby is my baby and although it is still early (few days ago i gave birth)and it devastates me to see the pictures, my baby was beautiful because of that fact...
    please ask all the painful questions with the more painful answers to come. You need to know what you are about to face although nothing will prepare you.Lean on the midwives they have been my angels also and i hope you are lucky to have some as compassionate and amazing as mine.
    I will be thinking of you...please take care!
    jo

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