Hi Anthonysmum. I understand your feelings about your body going back to pre-pregnancy and how upsetting this is. I am struggling with the jelly belly at present and just wish it would disappear. I also felt okay with my body whilst I was pregnant, and this is certainly not something that was usual! After spending years being unhappy with my weight, it was a relief to feel comfortable with my pregnant body.

Today has been a very hard day for me. It started late last night and has continued all day. I have been upset and angry all at the one time. I am angry that I have to accept that my life is returning to how things were before the baby. I am angry that I have to accept that instead of quitting my job in February, that I have to return and continue on and also pick up all the responsibilities that I thought I would not have to worry about anymore. I wish I had something to take my mind of the grief, but everything around me reminds me of what is now missing.

We have organised for Nathaniel to be cremated on Friday at 3pm - and the ashes will be delivered to us on Tuesday evening. We are going back to Brisbane on Friday as this was a long standing arrangement. We are meant to be attending a wedding on Saturday for a close friend, but we have realised today that the pain is still too raw and have decided not to attend. We are still going to Brisbane as it will be good to be surrounded by my family. We are also having our family priest dedicate a mass for us on Sat. My mum wants me to talk to him about how I am feeling. Not sure if I ready to tell him how angry I am with God.

Sorry for this ramble. It feels good to be able to release these feelings.