Thank you Spring Angel for seeing how I am and thank you to everyone that replied to my message. It is so sad to see that so many people are going through this devasting experience but it is also comforting to know that so many people care and that there are people to talk to that are feeling how I am feeling.
Before I was pregnant, friends would say that once you are past the first 12 weeks, you are safe - this I have experienced first hand is not true. After reading so many other stories it is definitely not true. Have a healthy crying baby in your arms is truely a miracle and one day I hope to experience such joy and happiness.
I still don't know how I get through each day - it is like a horrible nightmare that I can't wake up from. It just doesn't feel real and I just want the pain to go away. I know that the pain will never go away but will it ever ease? I just feel numb. The only thing that keeps me going each day is thinking of my precious little boy and know that I would have been a great mummy to him - i miss him dearly.
It is true that once you experience the loss of a child, the innocence of pregnancy is lost. I had complications throughout my entire pregnancy so I never got the "your at 12 weeks" all clear, but I never thought it would end in the loss of my child. It really just isn't discussed or even something that we are educated about, so when it happens you feel like the only person in the world, like your body has failed you and your baby. But you are not the only person sweety. Unfortunately there are many of us, but just talking about it and realising that there are absolute strangers out there just like me who care so much about you, will help you get throught the dark days.
I see from your signature that it was a month yesterday since Cooper became an angel. How did you go hun? I am 12 weeks today and it seems like only a moment ago that the doctor told me he was gone.
I guess we just have to play with the hand that we are dealt but that doesn't change the fact that it is just plain unfair.
We will get through this together. A mother who lost her baby at 40 weeks told me recently this and it is one of those things that I keep remembering
"no matter what anyone tells you about being a new mum, the tiredness, the dirty nappies, the crying, being a mummy to an angel baby is the toughest job in the world and we would never sleep another moment in our lifetime, to have our babies with us"
I know that you would have been and are a wonderful mummy to Cooper. I am sure that my angel baby Harrison and all the other angel babys are looking after him.
When this first happened to me, I thought I was the only person that it has happened to. I have alot of friends who have had babies with no problems at all, and thought that is how it is. I keep asking myself, why me? I know there will never be an answer because it shouldn't be anyone and why we are picked is just so unfair.
Yesterday was not a good day - I kept thinking about what I would have been doing if things had turned out differently. I can't believe it has been 1 month already - it feels like yesterday when this nightmare started. How have you got through the past 12 weeks? How have you been today?
That quote is so true - how we only wish for dirty nappies and constant crying.
Lynn I only just saw this post. I spoke to you on phone late last year after Copper passed away and again wish in a way we never met you in these circumstances.
It is hard for people to understand what one goes through unless they experience it themselves.. Our lives seem to drag on slowly, while everyone else is going on as normal... you feel cheated and cannot believe what has happened.. Why me?? wishing you can wake up, as if it were a bad dream.
Tears tremble with every heartbeat ... every pregnant women and crying baby (or not) we see... the TV shows the horrible news stories they eat at us.It is not fair.
But two years later I can say it does get better- you do move on with normal living but a part of you is forever missing and the emptyness of not having Charlotte in my real life remains.
The worst time is the first year /six months but slowly I can honestly say things do get better.I sought out beautiful friends who experienced the loss of a baby too.They say the sympathy with others runs out but never with special friends.They tell the truth and are an inspiration in darkest hours/days/months. They help lessen the pain. With them I am Charlotte's mummy and I can talk openly about her.I can laugh and talk delight in the sign and wonders she sends me.
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