Hi. We lost our baby boy at 20 weeks, and it is an incredibly difficult and lonely grief that follows. If you are able to, talk about her baby girl so that she knows that her baby girl has not been forgotten and is loved and missed. It means a lot to me when people acknowledge that we were pregnant and that our first child was a boy. You may like to look at Sids and Kids as they offer both free counselling, parent support (where your sister could talk to a parent who has suffered a loss in a similar situation) and support groups where she could openly talk about her daughter. I have found SIDS to be fantastic and it really helped both my husband and I to talk about our grief and know we weren't alone.

As for her relationship with your daughter, don't take it to heart. Understand that she is most likely reminded of what she has lost every time she sees your daughter. I don't think she should be made to hold your baby, rather let her come to you. We have a friend who gave birth to a boy 3 weeks after we would have been due. I found this very difficult and would cry every time I saw photos of him on Facebook. I finally saw him in person a month ago, and I did hold him but I had decided ahead of time that I would refuse it I didn't feel comfortable.

It is great that you care so much for your sister, so be there for her and listen. Let her tell you what kind of support she needs and don't try to 'decide' for her what she should be doing etc. The drinking and going out is probably an escape, but if you are seriously worried than you should ask her how she is coping etc. How do you think her husband is coping? Men often get overlooked in after the death of a baby.

Take care and I hope things work out for you and your sister.