Not sure how to keep going - fifth m/c

[~shazz~]

BG after my early loss where i felt much the same why doesn't anyone care but me, the clinic did the big shrug off and i was devastated , "your feelings of despair and grief are valid because you are feeling them , let the feelings out they are no good to you bottled up inside " i hope you find some answers soon

[Nicole S]

Oh BG I am so sorry for your loss.
A loss at any stage of a pg is still a loss no matter what anyone else says.
I hope that you and your FS can find the answers why this has been happening to you

[diva det]

BG,
i am soo sorry you are going through this ONCE AGAIN!
its not fair

time to dig deep girl and demand some answers. Definately time to get your FS to stand up and ask some questions why this is going on and do something about it!

Just an idea- have you had the thickness of your endometium(sp) checked ?? My AP believed that i was feralising every month but my endometium was thick enough for emby to implant. He fixed this problem by improving my blood flow through to my uterus to ensure it was thick enough at the right time!

There has to be a reason this is happening- time for you to kick some FS butt !!!!
Hang in there hon
you know where we are if you need us
odette

[briggsy's girl]

thanks ladies

i'm planning on trying to get some immunology testing done (if it wasn't already done - my first FS visit i walked away with a pathology request form that was overflowing with test requests - and had 15 vials of blood collected!). i will push the issue as i can't keep going through this pain

odette - i've had endometrium checked every cycle we've done when follicle development has been checked - it's always between 13 and 17mm - apparently they like it to be a minimum of 7mm - so i'm good on that one.

i just need to build myself up to telling the FS that i want more investigation - he's one of the pioneers of ivf in aus, so i feel like questioning him with all his experience is like saying i know better than him - which i don't - but i need to know why this is happening! if i'm bound to not have children i need to know so i can grieve and move on.

[Michelle71]

BG - a loss, regardless of the time of loss, is still a loss. The loss of the hopes and dreams attached to those first few moments when you realise you are pregnant. The nurses need a serious case of empathy and understanding

As for the FS - any doctor worth their weight is open to additional reviews. They are human, not God (despite some having some serious God-like complexes) and additional review of your individual circumstances can shed a new light or angle they may not have seen.

I had to fight to get tested as 2 of my miscarriages were chemical. In the end they found a clotting issue that *shouldn't* have caused any problems. 1 doctor said I didn't need treatment, 2 said they would treat. I listened to the IVF doctor who I believed had more of an idea. I was wrong and I lost my daughter. Treatment may or may not have helped but I will never know and I can't change what has passed.

Get a Dr S opinion. You are at the point where you need that different perspective. Consider some of the other options like aspirin and increased doses of folate. Prednisone is also an option. The first two have minimal to no side effects for you or the baby and can be taken pre-conception. The latter has side effects and risks but if you have the need for it, it also has some very positive and successful outcomes.

Thinking of you

[butterfly_warrior]

Your doctor may be an expert in his particular field of medicine, but I'm stuck in the belief that medicine is more of an art than a science. Everyone's body works slightly differently, and what may not cause a problem for one person (or perhaps even most people) may be a big problem for someone else. Dcotors make the mistake of focusing intently on their particular little set of organs and ignoring other bits. If one body system is out of balance, chances are that others will be too. I wish more doctors would look at the bigger picture.

Being an expert in IVF doesn't make him an expert in BG's body. The only expert on the topic of BG's body is BG herself. If you know something's not right, speak up! Insist on the extra investigation. Your doctor can't know exactly what's going on in your body at any particular time, only you can even get close to knowing that.

BW

[Willow]

Get a Dr S opinion. You are at the point where you need that different perspective. Consider some of the other options like aspirin and increased doses of folate. Prednisone is also an option.

BG, I couldn't agree with Michelle more. I've been wanting to suggest Dr S to you for a while, but didn't want to intrude or seem pushy etc etc. After hearing of your latest loss, I really think it's an option you should explore.

Just yestreday I held a beautiful miraculous little boy in my arms - his mum (a very good friend of mine) has been on the AC rollercoaster for 11 years - in that time she had a daughter who is now 5 and has been trying for years for another. She has serious immunology issues amongst other things. All her other Drs gave up on her - she was put in the too hard basket, told she should be grateful to have her daughter (which of course she is and was, but that's not really the point is it??) and to move on with her life. A friend and I (another Dr S success story) finally convinced her to see Dr S and now, 12 months later she has a beautiful little boy. He just has answers that other Drs don't have. He really does work miracles. My friend truly believes there is no other Dr in the country that could have helped her to achieve a successful prg.

I know being in country VIC may make it tricky but Deb and a few others have managed it.

Give it some thought....

[briggsy's girl]

DH and i have discussed, at length, the logistics of getting to Sydney to see Dr S. and there are a few things that have prevented us doing this already. firstly - the travel and expenses. i don't like flying, so it would mean driving to Sydney - which is around 10 hours from here. now, this isn't really a drama - DH drives for a living so he is well set up to drive - but i get car sick if i'm a passenger for too long! we did it at Easter, and we're prepared to do it again to see Dr S - but it would essentially mean both DH and I taking several days off work. i am able to take leave - no biggie there - but DH gets paid when he works (well, he does accrue leave, but he's used most of that to be with me when we've had our losses etc). we'd also need to arrange accommodation (have family in Bulli we can stay with, but i've heard that is MILES out of Sydney!!) which is extra dollars too. being that we would be away from home, i'd be making sure we stayed at least a couple of nights, as i have chronic fatigue and to go up and back within a couple of days would wreck me for weeks!

the other problem is the timing of appointments. from what i've read from others, one of the tests that Dr S likes to do is only done on Tuesdays and Thursdays - which would mean trying to get to see him before one of those days, and having a tentative appointment for the test if it's needed.... would mean being in Sydney longer, and given how many fur babies we have, the logistics of getting someone to care for them is damn horrific!!!

and then to the biggest issue. my current FS. ultimately, if i could get to sydney and see Dr S, with the blessing of my FS, i'd do it in a heartbeat - money be damned, inconvenience be damned!! BUT - and here is the issue - my FS despises people getting second opinions behind his back. i know of another BB member who sees my FS down in Melbourne - she got a referral from her GP to see Dr S, flew up to see him - and apparently the FS refused to have anything to do with his recommendations. he wouldn't prescribe the prednisone Dr S had recommended, he wouldn't monitor anything relating to Dr S recommendations... and that bit scares the crap out of me!! how can i go ahead and do what Dr S recommends if it puts me in the bad books with my FS. i don't have much choice in FS unless i want to double the travel for all procedures/u.s/BT's - at least the "local" clinic is set up to have most stuff done within 100k's of home - and things like BT's can be done and couriered - at their expense - to the clinic - i seriously doubt that would be possible with any other clinic - and the extra travel would do my head in!

i have been contemplating this visit for months - hell, our trip to Sydney at Easter (as much as being an opportunity to catch up with my lovely BB friends) was more about working out the logisitics of travelling for an appointment to see Dr S. and yes, we can make it work - but it's playing on my mind HUGELY as to whether it's worth the effort if it's going to p!ss my FS off and make life more difficult going through treatment...

[Liviam]

I'm so sorry you are going through this BG. I have no words that can ease your pain or answer your questions unfortunately but I can give you heaps and heaps of along with all the other wonderful women supporting you.