Our baby girl born sleeping

[Rozzie27]

Hi Stanas,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Our son was stillborn on 24 Apr at 22 weeks. He was our first child also.

The first week is so hard, it's such a shock and you have to make arrangements such as for cremation.

I guess my advice is lean on your loved ones as much as possible, and get through the days as best as possible. I would try and do things to take my mind away, even for a just a few minutes, like watching TV or reading the newspaper or gardening or anything you like. I figured I'd have plenty of time ahead of me to grieve and to digest what had happened, and those moments of distraction gave me a break for a little while.

Otherwise get plenty of sleep and try and eat well, as being unwell will make things like the cremation much harder.

As for the cremation itself, I can tell you what we did. It was only the two of us. I picked some flowers from the garden and we had a teddy bear for him. We wrapped him in blankets we bought for him. We had written a letter to him saying everything we felt and read it aloud.

I hope you can find some comfort amongst other parents who've experienced such a loss, I know it's helped me feel less alone.

Love Rozzie

[danek]

Hi Stanas,

I am so sorry for you and your family. I wish I could offer you some advice but am still searching for answers with my recent loss.

The only thing that helped me and may or may not suit you, was to see my baby and hold him before the funeral. I think this helped me accept what actually happened.

Rozzi is right - seek support from your friends and family. They will want to help you as much as possible.

Take care of yourself.

Danek

[Lisa]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious and beautiful angel Ava Lesley.

Sending you loads of hugs and thinking of you hun... please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve, in anyway that you need to.

[Nadine]

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious princess, Ava Lesley

Sending you lots of and lots of strength to get through this difficult time.

[Katiegirl]

Dear Stanas - I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter Ava. It is so clear how much you loved and continue to love her. Please ensure that you ask for the support and comfort you need from those around you. This forum is also a wonderful place, as you will see that many of us have suffered losses similar to yours.

We had Nathaniel cremated, but chose to not have a service attached to the cremation. We used Tobin Brothers and found them to be very sympathetic and understanding. As Nathaniel was delivered by a D&C (we found out at 20 weeks that he had passed at 15), we organised for his remains to be collected from pathology. We had him placed in a coffin with a blanket and had a crucifix and white rose placed on top. At the time of the cremation, my husband and I let others know so they could take a moment to stop and say a prayer. We then had a family priest say a mass for him. The funeral directors then delivered his ashes to us a week later, and we have kept them in a special box with a few of his items. I can not tell you how much the cremation helped me grieve for him. I felt that we had offered him the very greatest of respect and care and I will guard his ashes for the rest of my life. My sister who has also had 2 late losses, chose to bury her babies at my parent's holiday farm in a beautiful spot in the garden - as the babies are under 20 weeks it is legal to bury them yourself. They now rest under a big tree with an angel statue watching over them - it is a spot of tranquility for our family to visit.

It will seem hard to have to make these decisions, but once you have made the arrangements you will feel you have done the right thing.

I hope you are doing okay and please feel free to come and chat with us whenever you feel the need.

Take care

[Lynn]

Stanas, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter Ava. Nothing can prepare for the absolute devastation that you will feel and you will wonder how your heart can hurt so much and how you can go on when the world no longer holds the one you love. Surround yourself with lots of loving and caring people and just do whatever you need to to get through this heartbreaking time.

I lost my first baby, my precious son Cooper at 37 weeks. It took us 2 years to conceive with some assisted help and we had a 'text book' pregnancy right up until the day we lost him. He too was born so perfect, but so still. Walking out of the hospital with empty aching arms is so painful and I'm sorry that you had to experience this.

Preparing for the cremation is so difficult because you feel numb, you are doing something that goes against nature - you should never have to bury your own children. We decided on a private service with immediate family only. I searched and searched the interest for songs and poems that we could play and have read at Coopie's funeral. I also made service books which included the poems. This is what kept me going between the time we lost Coopie and his funeral. I still to this day listen to his songs and read the poems, it is what makes me feel close to him.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just take one step at a time, one minute at a time and grieve. There are days that I wonder how I have got through the past 18 months especially those early weeks, but the body is an amazing thing. You won't be able to understand how you will get through the days as the pain is so raw, but surround yourself with people that can support you.

I am sorry that your milk came through. The same thing happened to me and it was like a slap in the face. You wonder how your body can produce milk but it can't protect your baby.

Take care
Hugs
Lynn
xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Angel Babies 3]

Stanas, I am truely sorry to read of your loss. I birthed my little boy Luke at 16 weeks and you're so right, they are perfect but tiny. He was my little boy and I so wanted to take him home.

Look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Some days will be better than others. Just remember we are all here whenever you need us.

Big hugs to you,
Debbie