Last Tuesday my obstetrician sat on my bed and said "You are going to have a baby today". I always thought I would hear those words in the midst of an amusing story that you can then relate to your family, friends and children - when DP took you to the hospital and you had your beautiful baby. But No.
My waters broke on Sunday 2 weeks ago when I was 17w 4d. We were told that I had lost most of my fluid and usually mothers went into labor within 72 hours - our chances were less than 5%. I have never seen my DP cry but we both lost it when we heard this. Our first child after 3 rounds of IVF - surely they could be wrong.
I was put on total bedrest and was monitored every 4 hours. I have to say the staff at Mater Mothers - Antenatal in Brisbane were just the most amazing people they held my hand, cried with me and could not do enough for the fretful woman in room 902.
Still in hospital, I went to bed on Monday night alone as DP had flown back to Sydney for work. I woke at 2.30am desperate to go to the bathroom. There was bleeding and I was in pain. I tried to convince myself it was nothing and even tried to go back to sleep. I let the nurse know but tried to make it sound less serious than it was. We both knew.
At 6.30am I was in true pain and my obstetrician was called and she said those fateful words.
Charles James was born at 4.45pm 26/08/08. He was perfect and even though he was so tiny you could see he would have looked like his father.
The last week has been a blur - I had to drop out of Uni (I left a high stress job to start studying when I found out I was pregnant) and I honestly do not have a clue what I want to do with my life.
Today has been hard and I made sure I was asleep for 4.45pm.
I am so lucky to be surrounded by wonderful friends and family but sometimes I find myself wondering if anyone gets how painful this really is.
I just needed to write this today.
Thanks
Adele
Dellydoo- So so sorry to hear of your loss, really teary reading your story. Unfortunatley there are ladies on this site who know the pain you are feeling. The ladies on here are really supportive and i hope they can help when you need a shoulder. I had 2 m/c last year and know how hard it has been to cope, although its nothing like what you have been through. Take care
I'm so sorry to hear of your angel Dellydoo. take as much time as you need - no one expects you to make life changing decisions in the midst of so much pain
Adele - I am so sorry for the loss of your son. No, a lot of people don't really get it. They try but unless they have been through the experience the depth of the pain you feel is only something they can imagine. I am pleased you do have the support of family and friends. That is so important at this time.
Unfortunately, there are many of us who do understand the depth of your pain and the devastation of your loss. Please feel free to join us in the forums and take care of yourself
Thank you ladies it is strange how comforting it is to know that your pain is shared. It was beautiful to open this page and drown in a sea of hugs and support. It is so cliche but actually thinking that if I take it one day at a time I just might get there.
I spoke to a wonderful girlfriend today who gave me the same advice she gave me when I was getting divorced 4 years ago; Whatever you need to do to get through this is OK.
Hi. Your story is so sad and really hits home with me, hearing those terrible words "you are going to have your baby tonight". It is such a hard thing to go through and you will find lots of support here. Do what you need to get through it, for me it was by not talking about it with my insensitive in-laws and not talking about my next pregnancy until i was nearly due. (sounds strange but what i had to do).
For me it is 2 years on and although I never forget, it has gotten easier with time. My subsequent preg was scary, but I got through it. Do you have a cause yet? I never got a reason, but went on to have a healthy bub.
Waterlily
I read in your signature of your loss at 19 weeks and it my heart lifted to see your subsequent success. I know what you mean about not telling people. Everyone tracked our IVF journey and was with us for the ups and the downs and so excited when we announced the good news. I think we will be keeping things under wraps next time. Please God let there be a next time
A
Ladies - today has been a better day.
Thank you so much for your beautiful support. I climbed one Everest today - I went out for lunch with my heavily pregnant friend whom I love to pieces but have stayed away from because it felt too hard. It was my first time out for any significant period and only had a few meltdowns.
I went back to see me acupuncturist today and feel so much more relaxed after an hour with him.
Cannot fight the demon grief so I have decided to give it a comfy chair when it arrives so we ride out the storm together.
Love to you all.
Adele
I am so very very sorry for your loss. Just take your time and cry when you feel like it - you don't have to be strong for anyone - just know all the ladies at Belly Belly would like to wrap you up with right now.
Thanks Lissie - considering I have spent the entire day in the fluffiest robe I can find I reckon I have been hugged all day.
Thanks you wonderful ladies!
Adele
Registered User
Precious Angel
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