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Thread: Upcoming anniversary of our little angel

  1. #1
    canberramum Guest

    Default Upcoming anniversary of our little angel

    Hi All
    I am new to this site and not exactly sure where to start.
    I suffered a 'missed miscarriage' discovered at 12 weeks in late July 2006. Our babies EDD was 10 Feb, so around this time he/she would have been turning one!



    Shortly after losing this little angel I fell pregnant again and gave birth last June to a beautiful little boy, who is absolutely wonderful. However, I still feel as though I have a hole. People assume he is like a replacement and he isn't. He's wonderful and I absolutely adore him but he doesn't replace his big brother or sister.

    Nobody in my family ever mentions the baby we lost. Everyone knows the dates as he/she was due two days after his aunts birthday and a day after his great grandfathers birthday. Even my D&C was the day before my grandmothers birthday!

    I'm not really sure what I am writing for...... perhaps to ask how others cope. Do you do special things on your little angels special days?

    Thanks for listening.

  2. #2

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    I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I'll pray you find peace and closure, although this experience will never totally leave you.

    Unfortunately, people really don't know what to do or say in the face of obstetric loss. And if they haven't been through it themselves, they might think your new baby is the replacement. Although you know it's not like that at all.

    I don't actually commemorate EDD's, although a lot of the ladies around here do. I commemorate the actual mc dates, usually by visiting the cemetery where my father and brother are buried and releasing a balloon.

    Sending a cyberhug.

  3. #3

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    :hugs: DOn't feel badly of your family and friends. some people don't think that someone is feeling bad about a loss unless they have gone through it themselves..

    i have had 2 losses but I don't do anything to remember them. I do think about them on the day of the losses or the due dates but don't do anything in particular..

    Have you told your family how you are feeling? Maybe if you bring it up thy will realize how you feel.. Maybe they do think about yoru baby but are unsure if they should say something or not

  4. #4

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    Canberra mum

    Hugs to you for your loss xoxo

    I have suffered a few losses, both early and late and i found that my family recognise my late losses, but they dont seem to consider my m/c's at all, while to me the pain and loss is identical.

    I sent out little notes on my EDD to all my family and friends the first year to ask them all to light a candle on the due date in memory of what "should" have been my babies birthday, although it has been a few years now, i still light my candles, though my mum is my only family who doesnt need reminding.

    I also have a tree for my daughter which grows stronger every day and is a constant rminder of her.

    Some people find it only makes it harder to move on if we remember and mourn every anniversary, and with me, i have had so many losses that if i was to remember each milestone, i would have something almost every month, which would get a bit much, so i choose to remember all of my angels on the one day, although i light candles every day.

    Your little boy by no means is a replacement for your lost child, though people who have not suffered a loss tend to assume another child is, though i watched a doco the other day where a lady summed it up quite well, you still live with the ghost of your lost baby, your childs brother or sister. a new baby does not make that lost child disapear, and in fact sometimes after having a baby, it makes that loss even more prominent as you really feel the loss as you now know what you are missing- does that make sense?

    I get through in many ways, some days are harder than others, and some days i still dont want to get out of bed, but i do, and i try my best to get on with the life i have left, as hard as that is.

    just take each day as it comes, and when you can talk to your little boy, even share with him the story of his angel brother or sister, that is something i have decided i will be doing, my children will know all about their angel brothers and sisters, and so in a sense i hope that will help keep their spirit alive.

    Take care sweetie, and do whatever makes you feel good.

    StarBright
    xoxoxoxo

  5. #5

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    I am so sorry for the loss of your angel, it is totally understandable that you would feel like something is missing.
    my family, even my dp never refer to my mc at all, my first milestone is coming right up next month, I dont know how I will deal with that.
    when I first mcd, I thought I would be fine, didnt feel like I needed to name s/he, or do anything to remember s/he.
    but then a little while ago, I realised that in some small part of me that I didnt even want to acknowledge, I already had named him, so I took out my old pg journal and just wrote him a letter expressing how sad I was and how I felt about him not being born.
    but thats me.
    I am sure you will find a way to cope, somehow we all do.
    there is another thread on here somewhere with ideas from other members as to how to commemorate their "angelversaries"
    congratulations on your healthy baby boy, wishing you all the best.
    xxx

  6. #6
    canberramum Guest

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    Thankyou all for your quick replies. In some ways i feel ungrateful feeling this way as some people struggle so hard TTC and others suffer such tragic losses. I feel much better this afternoon after a wonderful day in the son with my little boy. I think I may have just been feeling a little extra emotional this morning.

    I think a few extra smiles from my litt;e boy is probably the best coping mechanism there is_ he melts my heart.

    I am also sorry for the loss of each of your angels

  7. #7

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    A loss is a loss and you need time to grieve it. It's useless to compare "how much loss". You still need to do the grief work.

  8. #8
    HH Mama Guest

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    Hi CanberraMum. My hubby and I bought a bird bath for our little lost bub. i also have a journal for my little "Peanut" that i still write in. Perhaps it goes away after a long time but i dont think there's a procedure or a "right time". Do what you feel you need to do. Our little angels are all precious and beautiful and nothing replaces that. BUt i hope they'll always know how much they were loved.

    Thinking of you...

  9. #9

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    oh, canberramum, i am so sorry for your loss. it is perhaps impossible for those who haven't lived through loss of a child to understand there is no replacement. you have enough love for all of your children, and remember the ones who are absent in the way that works best for you. i think my son will always be a part of me, hopefully not always the biggest part, but an important part. big hugs to you, m

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