What date do you use for your angel?

[{sarah}]

I'm dreading my 20 week mark Jodie, it's on my little man's fifth birthday

[luna moth]

I had that too, and I actually think that's one of the hardest parts of the EDD...you 'shouldn't be' anything anymore.. there was going to be a baby and now there's just not. In a small way that is also a relief too. You can just stop counting and let it go a little bit.

For me it was Mondays. But after the 24 weeks mark, I forgot to count, didn't know where I was up to anymore. Only when I saw ex-belly buddies' tickers could I figure it out.

I've just passed my EDD, last week. It is a great marker for moving on, it's a milestone, and I feel quite strong having gone past it. I've moved from "I would have been..." to thinking "I could have been missing out on this" at events, like a couple of nights out last week.

On that, do try to think "I would have been..." rather than "should have been..." It's a small difference, but it's a bit kinder to yourself. I found that changing that thinking helped me to accept what had happened and move on a bit. Which makes it so much easier to deal with.

But I think our journey has been a little different from most. We couldn't go madly TTC to "fill the hole" so we just had to accept what was until our waiting period was through. Now, our 6 month wait is over, I've got the all clear. I feel the most incredible inner peace, and I look back on our 6 months, and see a few speed humps, but altogether the most romantic time of my life with my DH. I know it didn't feel like it at the time, and you could probably find a few posts here that suggest otherwise... but there's light.

[Tegam]

Wow am i a bad person for not remembering? Its hard to admit, but it true.

I could narrow down the month but not the day. My journey was a bumpy one. MC picked up on a Monday, i was on my own, the trip to the better scan, calling my DH overseas and having to tell him, the d&c on the wednesday, only hours after my DH got home, the 2nd d&c, the ruptured uterus, the pathology results, then 3months later swaping OB for a check and seeing a 5week beating heart bubba there! Then those first 17weeks of the new pregnancy, the MC EDD, the birth of DD!

Holy hell, no wonder i cant remember. I know at the time i was drowning. I am very open about my MC cause i think that i handled it very poorly and if telling that to someone else makes them feel better then thats a good thing...

woo sorry for the long response.

Firstly good question, got me thinking. Secondly its so personal and i think your views will change. I swing between having my angle in my ticker and not all the time.

[Lulu]

I know everyone is different but I don't have dates. I have a small keepsake but no dates on them, it's made it so much easier for me.
It took time to get past the "i should have been xxx by now" but it did fade away and sometimes I think of the sad days and pause but if I had annual dates in my head/heart I feel it would make it so much harder.
I don't do angel tickers for the same reasons, I just don't want to be reminded all the time.

[Tegam]

I know everyone is different but I don't have dates. I have a small keepsake but no dates on them, it's made it so much easier for me.
It took time to get past the "i should have been xxx by now" but it did fade away and sometimes I think of the sad days and pause but if I had annual dates in my head/heart I feel it would make it so much harder.
I don't angel tickers for the same reasons, I just don't want to be reminded all the time.

Thats what i was trying to say!

[Kerrin]

I use the day our daughter was born (she was stillborn @36 weeks).

I don't like to use the day we found out because it was Christmas Eve & the holidays are already emotional enough I've found & I don't like to use what would have been her due date cause I have a friend who's son was born around the same time our angel should have been. I find that just makes me look at his son & think, Ashley should be that age too.

I say just pick whichever date feels more comfortable for you & for whatever reasons you feel. For me, like so many others, I chose her birth/death date cause that was the night when it all seemed finally real. None of it really seemed to feel like it was happening until I was induced & gave birth to her.

[forshelby]

I like this thread. I've been wondering the same, actually.

Call me crazy if you like, (used to it! lol) but I remember all 3 relevant dates. Date of positive test 03/02/08, Date of actual loss 29/02/08, and finally E.D.D 13/10/08.

What's spooky, and I only just realized this, is that my mother also had a baby which was due on 13/10/74. He made it, and turned out to be my big brother. I just thought that was strange that two women in the same family had managed to get an EDD exactly the same. Co-incidence or not? Hmm.....

[{sarah}]

Well it turns out the date we found out has the most impact, I was quite upset when 1 month went by, but the few days after when it was 1 month from the D&C I was ok.

I wish I didn't have dates Lulu, for some reason I have a memory like an elephant for dates & numbers. I can tell you the date the baby was conceived, date I did my HPT, date we found out bub was gone & how many weeks I was as well as the date of D&C and the due date. I can remember the same for my two munchkins too though

[NaeNae]

I find some dates hard.
For my two mc's because they were sooo early I haven't really ever focussed on the due date, nor the date when the pregnancies were "no longer viable" I honestly do not know why because I still wonder what might have been if that makes sense.
For Nikita, well thats a bit different. I am deeply affected still on her birthday and her angelversary BUT I have never really "mourned" on her due date..... the year of her passing I was touched on that day but I have always felt she came and left us just as she was meant to so her Due Date really didn't hold anything itms.

I think you will remember all the dates and you may find that one year one of the 3 dates you will feel sadder than the others.

Remember though there is no right or wrong time to feel things, no correct date etc just how you feel.

If you need a date to "signify the event" then personally I would choose the "Birth Date" so in this instance would be the D & C but hun, thats just me, YOU choose whats right for you because there is no wrong day.

love and hugs
Nae x x

[Tegam]

sorry to highjack this thread for a second but I had forgotten all about it and I just got the notification that someone had written something.... I just re read my post. God if only I had known that just 9 days later I'd be in surgery for a ruptured ectopic. I feel like I could be sick, I'm so sad.
I say remember whatever makes you feel somewhat better! If anything can help the pain then grab it with both hands!