eta - holy crap! mammoth post ahead! sorry!

Hey mamma spice, thats great to hear that your DH got a bit of a wake up call! I know what its like to have a partner who doesn't seem to see the real issues.

I have been plodding along best I can with no support still. DH is coming around & accepting that our lives will be ones filled with the issues of having a child(ren) with an ASD. He brought home a book the other day called "Freedom from Meltdowns" - Dr thompsons solutions for children with Autism. He said he seen it & thought of me, as I call it a meltdown (over tantrum) when Evan has his well Meltdowns. Im only 1 chapter in. Im not a big reader & find it hard to absorb what I read. I often will be reading the words while thinking about something else. Anyway, DH asked me what I thought of it so far. All I could reply with is yet again, just more enforcement that all these years I was right with Evan & no one believed me, acknowledge that I may in fact be right. The way it describes what a meltdown is & how it plays out etc is EXACTLY what happens with Evan. So I will keep reading. With any luck it will have some helpful tip for me on how to deal with them.

I also had the special ed teacher approach me today at school during the sports carnival. Just asking if I was Evans Mum & if I had any follow up on the paper work they are waiting for from me (eye & hearing tests & pead report). I took the chance to tell her (I tell anyone who will listen!) my thoughts on Evan & how things are currently going. Which unfortunately things are down hill very fast atm. He complains that kids tease him, the whole school is bullies, doesn;t like/want to go to the school. Wants me to talk to his teacher (which I have, will touch on that in a sec) & has started "faking" being sick to get out of going to school.
When I spoke to his teacher though, He said he has not seen anything like that going on for Evan. But he did acknowledge that these are Evans feelings so if thats how he is feeling then that is how it must be for him. Im yet to make up my mind on this new teacher. He is just that a new fresh off the ranks teacher. I think he said he did his prac last year. So I am a little concerned about how much experience he could possibly have with dealing with a child like Evan. BUT on the other hand, he is new, fresh with enthusiasm & idea's KWIM.
He also told me that Evan does have friends. At least 2. Also that 1 of these boys is being picked on a bit. *PING* lightbulb moment! That is wheer the teasing/bully concerns would be stemming from. Evan was like this at the old school also. He sees things happening to others (was the only friend he seemed to have there) & he takes it all in as his own. Im not sure how to explain it. But Obviously he is seeing his mate being ppicked on (he says they don't tease him, just try & fight him) & even though its not directly happening to him (that we know of) he is still effected the same as if it was.
I also met one of his friends today & gave him our phone number to pass on to his Mum & to let her know we would love for him to come over & play & Evan would love to play at his place too. So hopefully we get a call at some point!

Glenn... ah glenn, my poor little man. He seems so depressed lately. His teacher actually called me yesterday to ask if I was coming to the sports day as Glenn was rather reluctant about doing it & she hoped I would be able to make it to cheer him on. Of course I was going! New baby or not LOL. So today I spent the day out on the sports oval encouraging both boys to give it ago. Glenn is actually quite good at long jump . His teacher also told me that the school counsellor has been coming in & making observations on Glenn but he has been good each time she is there. BUT she asked her to come back early in the day as that is when he is at his worst. I like that even though the counsellor isn't seeing it. His teacher is on my side & is really pushing to get others (the help) to see he does in fact need help.

Now onto Iain... I had my SIL around the other day & she said rather bluntly that she thinks Glenn is our main concern. He is the one who will be the "worst" with what ever ASD "placement" he gets. I kinda agree. He shows more of the things that are concerning. No empathy, thought for others etc. She then went on to say that she believes Iain is also going to have an ASD. Now trust me the thought has already entered my mid a few times. I see things in him that make go "Oh no!"
I am paranoid that all 4 of my boys will have an ASD. But to have her so bluntly put it to me has shaken me a little. I can't stop thinking about it. I know the "wait & see" approach is bad. But What would I say to the pead?
At the moment he is really pushing things. BUT keep in mind he is 2 & half & I have just had a new baby.
But he is
Screaming more ( in frustration)
Biting/hitting/pinching when he is frustrated with (mostly Isla) someone or even just something but if someone is close by then he attacks them.
He has gone backwards in his speech a bit (this is a red flag for me). He knows the words but for example has gone back to calling all forms of drinks "milk". He was asking for water for water, milk for milk & even Coke (which he wouldn't get) if he seen me with the bottle. But now its all milk. Other words are also harder to understand then they were just a few weeks ago.
He has become more hmm clingy isn't the right word but freaked out if anyone other then me & DH touch/help even talk to him. Depends on his mood but like the other day we went to kinda gym. He is always a little stand offish with new people/situations. Will turn to me if someone new speaks to him. Will look to me & say Muuuummmmm. Looking for reassurance I guess. so anyway the other day we were there & it was only our 2nd visit but the teacher said she realises he doesn't want "help" & will let him warm up in his own time. He was on the trampoline & was getting down. He was just a little off to where the step was so she moved it so it was under his feet. Didn't touch him, just said there you go. He freaked out, shuffled back on tot he tramp & "ran" tot he middle screaching & threw himself down in the middle screaming NO NO NO.
I notice him tippy toeing more.
He has attached himself to sheets. He had one there for about a week (its int eh wash now but he happily took the other one with space ships on it!) that he took to bed, brought out with him in the morning, used as a table cloth at his little table, would bring into my bed if he came in etc.
He freaks out if something is different. Changed his pillow case, lost it because it wasn't his pillow anymore.
If someone sits in his red chair he freaks out & attacks them.
He is going around with his shirt collar in his mouth all the time (only started this in the last few days)
Has always like things on his head/face. So if something vibrates, he likes to run it over his head for example.
he ahs been particularly naughty/cheeky. Will throw something (toy/cup etc) & look to see if I am watching with a big grin on his face.
He has also started to display the same behavior as Evan (monkey see monkey do I think in this case) where if he doesn't like something or gets into trouble for something he will throw things around & keeps doing it while watching me for a reaction until I take him to his room to sit on his bed.

There are more little things also BUT how much of this is normal 2 yr old behaviour? How much of this is normal 2 yr old with new sibling behaviour?

I don't know because to me with my experience so far it is NORMAL. But is it? Should I stop being paranoid & be concerned & get him assessed now? Or wait & see if it is just the new baby/changes?

On the paranoid boat, anything I should look for in my NB son? Maybe I can get a bulk discount when I go to the pead next LOL

eta - teh special ed teacher said the school can organise a referral to get an OT to come to the school for Evan.