I just wrote a massive post and lost it!!!

Long story short, DS (8) has SPD and anxiety but we hit rock bottom a few months back and got help from one of the agencies. Life was an unending hell of fighting fires and trying to survive as DS was horribly nasty to his sisters, disobedient, violent, disrespectful and just horrible to be around.

I went to the child mental health service begging for help. They suggested a parenting course. I actually laughed out loud. But I went, and he has been going to counselling too. I have implemented time out which has been stunningly effective. I never thought it was an option for us because his tantrums could last hours and I thought he would trash the room. He did put a hole in the wall (lost $50 birthday present) and scratched/dented his door (had to sand and revarnish it). The first few nights he would barely be out of time out and he would be back in again. But after a few weeks it actually worked and he rarely ends up in time out and will take himself there and stay in the room now. It was all done on clear choices of doing the desired behaviour or choosing to have a time out (and then do the desired behaviour). We balanced it out with as much one on one time as I could manage, and then implemented sticker charts.
I cannot tell you how much better life is. I never dreamed it could be like this. They kids actually get along!! DS is happy!! He smiles and laughs and jokes. Parenting until now has always been damage control for us, now it is actually enjoyable and manageable.

So the SPD created the clothing issues and made him more prone to anxiety, but in us catering to all his specific *needs* (to avoid meltdowns - we had to survive!) we actually created a monster who expected all his whims to be met.

With my experience and the result we have had, I would strongly recommend The Incredible Years. It is the book I am working through with the social worker and it has great reasoning and rules for effective time out, reward charts, play etc.

I do know of an SPD seeker child who has no regard for traffic and also know another child that runs off down the street because it makes his mum squeal. Could she be misbehaving as an attention seeking thing? Because that was the case for my DS once we were stuck in that negative feedback cycle. He also did things to see how far he could go before I lost it at him. The SPD and anxiety have not helped at all and I doubt it would have played out like it did if he had been NT, but obviously he is a child that needs firm and very consistent boundries to feel safe (in hindsight that should be obvious from his black and white personality!)

That may not be any help to you, but I know we always seemed to have similar issues with our kids so I thought you might like to know what worked for us.