Thanks for the replies.

Trish, she has a night light but she just isn't there with the comprehension to understand any reasoning/bribe kind of stuff. She is only just starting to follow basic instructions like getting her shoes. It is very frustrating.

Kelebek, she is in a king single bed and DH has tried sleeping in with her which used to work, but now she shrieks like she is having nails pulled out. I can't sleep in with her because I have another baby due in 5 weeks and I can't have her up and screaming every time I get up to feed the baby.

I did talk to the local health nurse today at a breastfeeding week gathering, I ended up in tears in front of everyone!! So embarrassing I don't think there are sleep schools here in NZ, or at least not in the area I am in but she is going to give me some print outs for dealing with resettling and we have an appointment to get her ears checked properly next week. I am really hoping she has an issue with her ears that might just solve the problem!